Listening to a colleague in pain

It's so obvious what she needs to do. It has been obvious for a long time. Unmet expectations and disappointments. Boss (not the first one) who doesn't understand and who expects more from his subordinates than he delivers himself. Still, something holds her back.

She needs to resign, find a new place, a new job. All I can do is to listen and mirror back. Without judging, without supporting her opinion on other people's competence or personality. That's not what she is asking for.

There are always three options: accept what is (and be happy about it), change it or leave it. To stay in a situation on any other premises would be an insult to yourself. Easy to say, difficult to do. Unless it becomes really bad. I just hope that she doesn't wait for things to get even worse. My sweet colleague. Wish I could do more for her.

A real conversation

Today I took my bag and my bike to the bohemian quarters of the city to see someone I'm sure I will work with one day. It started years ago when I was given the assignment to evaluate his leadership programme. He was then a supplier and I was representing the client. Some years later I contacted him to discuss work opportunities. We agreed to stay in touch. And the next time I contacted him, it was in the role of a senior advisor.

A mentor without formal agreements, someone I have grown to trust. Someone without any stake in my decisions, and someone at least ten years my senior. I don't ask anything of him (except for an hour of his time), he doesn't try to sell me anything (and claims his reward lies in being a source of inspiration). It's a real conversation.

My intuition tells me there was a reason I was tasked with the evaluation project all those years ago.

Virtual motorways

How long is the lifetime of a blog? Of a Facebook profile, a Twitter account or a LinkedIn site? Is there anyone out there who ever removes accounts not in use? I think I know the answer to that. The digital footmarks are everywhere. Trying to visualise the number of paths per person, the map is endless. Some are big like motorways where we all drive like mad, and some are dead ends that were forgotten years ago. Like the book that was never finished or the conversation that never took place. Facebook is one of the motorways. For now that is.

Repeat episodes

You know somebody is not quite alright when he is being referred to as "a f-ing dial tone". Something to elaborate with when "a glass of water" feels a bit worn out. May be there are grades of dullness. What would you rather be: a dial tone or a glass of water?

Vogue psychology

You have to flick through fiftytwo pages of ads to get to the table of content for the August issue of American Vouge. Part one that is. Turn another twelve pages for part two to find out what the rest of the magazine is about. Except for ads. We happily pay for these ads and scroll through them as if they were part of the magazine and may be they are.

Reveresed psychology where what we pay for becomes more desireable than anything that comes for free.

Full of yoga bliss

"Only let the soft animal in the body love what it loves."

The sentence from a text that she repeated a few times during class. I'm not sure who originally wrote it or what she meant, but it felt calming and reassuring.

She is a wonderful teacher.

Coming home

Out of all the streets in Stockholm, there is something special with my street.

Founder of a network

How is "New Perspectives" for a name of the network we formed a couple of months ago? It says something about the raison d'être and the six members who attended today's meeting all seemed pretty motivated. Now the proof is in the pudding.

First impression and so on

My memory of him was a messy and loud boy who was too cool for me. A boy with problems at home and many friends at school. A spoiled boy with Howard Jones haircut, styled using a neon pink hairspray from the trendy hair salon.

Twenty-five years later, more specifically last night, I had the opportunity to re-evalute my impression. Either my impression from school was very wrong, or may be he had changed dramatically at some point in the last two decades. May be a bit of both. I had the most delightful company during a dinner party that lasted for more than four hours. An open and honest conversation which didn't just cover everybody else but got the point where we actually discussed some serious topics of life's tricks and treats. A warm meeting with someone I didn't think I would ever click with, let alone talk to about my relationships or my early years as a cocooning, twenty-something housewife.

For the record, he most certainly doesn't need the neon pink hairspray anymore. The Howard Jones style has turned into a very suitable bold look!

A first

The little boy I had the fortune to live close to for a couple of years turned into a man today. A milestone celebrated in a ceremonial Bar-Mitzvah. The end of an era, the beginning of a new. An honour to witness and a reminder of the continuous change that happens every moment. Nothing is permanent.

One hundred percent raw

Inspiration

The stationery shops are full of this season's coloured notebooks, pens and folders and the IKEA catalogue has arrived. Inspirational triggers to creativity and organisation. Time to redecorate, write and draw. Time to clear out what is no longer needed and start that new life where everything is in the right colour. Sort of.

The art of chocolate tasting

This one comes with instructions. Obedient as I am, better do as they say.

Yes, a little bit cold

The days without tights are over. Almost. Despite the chilly morning and grey sky, I'm defying early autumn signs and pretend that bare legs are still a pleasure and a must.

The old saying that my grandmother used to quote (freely translated from Swedish): "Welcome autumn by being cold, welcome spring by being sweaty" makes itself reminded.

Entering a photo contest

Instructions: Send in a photo that you have taken yourself (!) of a Swedish flower or tree. Don't forget to write the name of the flower (or tree).

After consultation I concluded that this spring photo is of maple tree buds. 99% sure...

Smash!

"A relationship is like couture. If it doesn't fit perfectly it's a disaster."

After months of nothing, I'm having a SATC moment. The number of spot on comments never stops to amaze me. I guess you hear them through a current filter and the smartness hits you when you need some words to complete a sentence or an argument. Bang on.

When we were twenty

Once upon a time we were family. We spent our early twenties together in a belief that this is life as a grown-up. She was the sister-in-law I thought would be there forever. That was when I still believed childhood sweethearts will last forever.

She had the longest hair, like a fairytale princess. She made the perfect meatballs. She was Miss Aerobics. She had a temper. She liked long lie-ins. She was a procrastinator when it came to studying. She was in love with my brother.

Something happened, I'm not sure what. They grew apart and went separate ways. A couple of years later the same thing happened to me and gone was my faith in childhood sweethearts. We didn't make it through the changes of the twenties. Perhaps we suffocated rather than nourished each other. Perhaps it was life's way of teaching us to never take anything for granted. To see things as they are and not as they used to be or how they could be one day may be.

Yesterday I met her for the first time in a decade. She looked just the same. Only happier. There was a grounded harmony, a joy and contentment. An air of happiness. Be it age, be it the impact of life experience or the result of finding the place that is meant to be. I don't know, but it was lovely to see her and to realise that she is still in my heart.

From behind

So right from every angle. A true professional...

Macification

To fit into the group "My-office-today-is-this-café" your laptop has to be from Apple. Onehundred percent compliance noted in shabby but charming (yes, retro) café around the corner.

Members of the group don't talk to each other but silently observe from distance. And may be silently nod in approval when seeing an Apple friend.

I'm learning the code for this seemingly growing community.

A new term with new resolutions

Proven by a full yoga class of thirty participants who clearly have started their healthy post-holiday lifestyle. I'm guessing GI-food, no alcohol, high impact exercise for the body and yoga for the piece of mind.

There is something very refreshing with a new term. Everything is possible. You can start a new life just like that. Actually, there is no need to wait longer than to the next day (or even hour), but the start of the term seems to come with a certain energy and spark that gets people moving.

The new lifestyle has a couple of fights to prepare itself for where a big one is bound to happen on a dark, rainy evening when a TV dinner with a glass of wine followed by a bowl of ice cream threatens GI and gym.

More Harvard Business Review

Going through the summer issue of HBR I found the following example from an American survey:

Imagine that the interest rate on your savings account was 1% per year and inflation was 2% per year. After 1 year, how much would you be able to buy with the money in this account?
a. more than today
b. exactly the same
c. less than today

33% answered incorrectly or did not know.

This happened to be targeting Americans, but I doubt the results are significantly different for any other nationality. It just shows that the average person is not on top of basic economics. Something is not quite right in how we focus education, information and news.

Recognise this?

Findings of today

A moment of joy when I found two outfits for the coming August parties. Surprisengly enough they didn't come from the shops, they came from storage and the wardrobe I never look in. My good old shopping days are still proving useful! Recycling - so contemporary.

Master of presence

'Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.'

From The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

To add or not to add

Facebooks seems to be a never-ending discussion topic. In or out, add or not, privacy settings and status updates. How Facebook really works continues to be a mystery, at least for me, resulting in a scepticism and mistrust. Surely there is someone somewhere who can see absolutely everything. May be it's the same "someone" who also suggests "new friends".

How come Facebook continues to suggest that may be I should "become friends" with my ex boyfriend? Who I have no contact with whatsoever and who I only have one mutual friend with (in Facbook terms at least)? Does Facebook know something that I don't? Does he get the same nagging question (it hasn't just happened once, it's a recurring suggestion that pops up every now and then)?

I realise that my Facebook resistance makes me sound old so I may need to change my attitude and let go of the scepticism. But still not sure about "adding" the ex.

A day out at The End of the World

After lake

A sunny day mostly spent with the youngest nephews. Now total relaxation.

In and out...

... of town. One yoga class, fiftyfive minutes and twentysix participants. So I guess it was worth coming in from holiday heaven to get into to the yoga instructor role again. But I'm not staying. Nature is calling and the sun is shining. The Swedish summer is still going, but somehow I've started to count the hours of this precious season.