Hermès love

A little something to counterbalance the otherwise quite unglamourous day.

Here we go again

Frequent train traveler. Who would have thought... Not really part of my self image, which proves I still have plenty to learn.

Ex news

In the middle of my conversation with a colleague over lunch at the elegant department store, I feel somebody is looking at me. I look up and there she is. My ex-ex boyfriend's ex-ex-ex girlfriend. In this equation I'm the ex-ex girlfriend. We are both on the other side, i.e. post-relationship with this man and may be that is the reason I feel connected to her. In a good way. We have other mutual friends too and our greeting is warm and friendly. I haven't seen her for years.

In our one minute catch up, she provides me with the big news. He got married. Somehow I thought he was a commitment-phobic so this is certainly unexpected. Especially since last I heard of him he had just split up with somebody.
My next question is naturally: 'To whom??'.
That's when she says: 'Have a guess. You know who it is.'

There is only one person that springs to mind. His best friend's little sister. And of course I'm right. I met her a few times, but that's about it. There was something back then that I could recognise as uncomfortable and not quite right. Now I have the answer. And this makes me the ex-ex-ex girlfriend.

Launch party

A work thingy where people were fighting to get in. Free champagne in slick-packing district is still hot.

The balance between superficial and spiritual

To nominate today's highlights, I had to take stock of the choices...

Reading and misunderstanding contract
Obviously not a highlight. Didn't want to do it in the first place, did it and did it wrong.

A number of meetings and conference calls
I still wait for the perfect meeting that is 100% relevant, efficient and fun. Very difficult to find. And no. No hightlight to be found.

Emergency eye lash tint
My loyal beautician. She can always be trusted and she understands the importance of quickly taking care of a faded tint. As shallow as it may sound, I still think the twentyfive minutes of tinting makes it to the list.

Bhagavad Gita studies followed by a long yoga session
Countdown. The self study part to be completed in time for the first intense week of yoga instructor training is a serious piece of work. Obvious choice and certainly a highlight.

Lounging in front of the tele
TBA. Don't know what's on yet, but I very much doubt it's a hightlight. Unless I revert to the DVD and SATC...

Eat Pray Love

I'm sure she will do a brilliant job. But I had somebody else in mind for the leading role. A young Lena Olin or Isabella Rossellini, i.e. someone with an air of mysterious sophistication. It's just how I read the book. Being the star that she is, my hopes are still high that she has managed to do the book justice. To be discovered later this week.

Saturday treats

Where is my Caipirinha?

Someone is in a most exotic country where the sun is shining and the temperature exceeds twentyfive degrees at six o'clock in the morning. Someone is overlooking Copacabana. Someone probably had a Caipirinha last night. And someone is reporting all this back to a grey, wet, cold Stockholm where we just enjoyed autumnal equinox. Good bye daylight, hello darkness.

Family of five

We lived together for eighteen years, of which the youngest family member was there for twelve.

Last night we had a family get together with 'the old family'. I would say it's a rarity and that we are quite unique to even now have moments as an 'old' family', without spouses or children. We still enjoy spending time together, we have interesting discussions and we rarely argue. Can't even remember when we last had a family argument, but we (children) all remember what used to happen when our parents argued when we were little. It usually ended up with one of them going for a walk. Perhaps with the impact that we (or should I say I) have a tendency to close off when I'm really upset about something. The effective silent treatment... or as a variety, the famous ostrich behaviour.

It's now twenty years since I left home. Still, the impact my parents, sister and brother have on my values, attitudes and behaviours will always be an important foundation of who I am. Family heritage and family values form you for a lifetime. I'm very lucky I picked such a good 'old family'.

Stockholm on a Wednesday

Freedom - to take a day off in the middle of the week

Flexibility - to decide how to spend the day entirely on my own

Joy - to take a long walk in the September sun

My Hotel

Hopefully my work aspirations will lead to more time in London. Actually, I'm sure they will. So hotel browsing is not only a matter of daydreaming about my favourite city, it's part of my job.

One of the obvious favourites is the chic boutique hotel in Chelsea, My Hotel. Their target audience is SATC addicts and alike. Contemporary furniture and interior design. Trendy flower arrangements. Soft lounge music with no resembelence to traditional elevator music. Bagels, cream cheese and smoked salmon for breakfast, naturally served with the perfect cappu and freshly squeezed orange juice. No carpet to be seen in the bathroom. Egyptian cotton sheets and proper pillows (as opposed to the brick-like lumps that are so popular in many hotels).

More people have found this perfectly situated hotel, so the hotel browsing is all about finding a second best as My Hotel is fully booked.

A couple of fave quotes

Here is the proof. It has it all! Oh. Yes, SATC that is.

The philosophical angle:
'May be the past is like an achor holding us back. May be you have to let go of who you were... to become who you will be.'

The truth you want to tell but are too polite to mention:
Prelude:
S: 'I don't always have time to read your column."
C: 'OK then. Wow. Even my friends find me irrelevant...'
M: 'I read it every week!'
And here it comes:
S: 'You have a little man hanging from your breast, what else are you gonna do?'
(For the unenlightened: the little man is referring to a new born baby.)

The ring you want, but perhaps not the lead up to it:
'The 'hope that fucker doesn't break my heart again' diamond.'

The drug we are all on:
'Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive? What's the harm in believing?'

What a christening really is...:
M: 'He has to get baptised and wear a dress.'
C: 'Baby's first drag show. It's a very odd tradition!'

What dating really is...:
'Most first dates are like job interviews with cocktails.'

And I could go on and on...

Me: 'My name is PAM. I'm a SATC addict.'
All: 'Hi PAM.'

Golf at Bro Hof

Beautiful and 2-0 to the girls.

Foot massage

If I had a husband, he would right now be massaging my feet. Just after he had poured me a glass of wine. And lit a fire in the fireplace. Then we would pull up the blanket and have a marathon evening in front of the telly and a fine movie. The wine, the fireplace, the blanket and the movie are all present. It's just that little husband detail which is missing. And with that the massage. Darn.

Almost meeting with the past

There was something familar with the man who came into the restaurant just after us. I observed him carefully when he wasn't looking. When his company arrived a bit later it clicked. He was the boy from school who I detested deeply. A true bully with an agressive outlook, ready to sit on anyone who wasn't part of his little gang. Anyone different. Anyone who didn't look up to him. And probably anyone who made him insecure. He was seeminlgy very unhappy, with family issues and all sorts of tragedies. In fact, I know that to be true. Still, I find it hard to sympathise with him even today. I looked at him and wondered: what happened? Who is he today? Did he find anyone to love; does anyone love him? He is still hanging out with a few friends from the past, that much I gathered from last night. But I wasn't the slightest interested in making any kind of contact from where we were sitting, on a safe distance from a past that I don't want back.

Prepare for the worst hope for the best

I had prepared for the worst, no problem. Well, that is not entirely true. My worst case scenario was so bad that I delayed the necessary meeting for a couple of months. However, I was taken by a complete surprise as my "hope for the best" was nowhere close the proposal I got back. I now remember what it was in the first place that made me accept the role I have today. When my boss is good, he is really good. Now I have a big mouthful to chew and analyse. Coach, friends and selected colleagues will all be involved in my analysis. Very exciting and a whole new arena is opening up.

Gothenburg next

Female and male nervousness

Are women generally less nervous than men when holding a personal presentation in a professional environment to a group of senior people?

That was a question the chair of the jury had in today's meeting to nominate the future leader in the real estate industry. The answer from the representatives from the recruitment firm was no. But the question was still out there and I think it made everybody think. Our male candidates were clearly less comfortable in the meeting than the female candidate. Nervousness is human, but when it comes to being evaluated as a future leader it is not a helpful characteristic.

The jury was united in their final decision and the future leader was appointed.

Unfabulous without class

According to Coco I've failed miserably today. Far from fabulous and nowhere close to classy, the day was spent on the couch half asleep, with an aching body and a snotty nose. First cold of the season, no doubt a gift from one of last week's participants. The good news is that having a cold protects me from catching any other cold at the moment. If that is true or if it's a saying similar to the one with rain on your wedding day means good luck and many children, I don't know. But let's hope so. In both cases.

Timeless Coco

'A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.'

A reminder from Chanel when the expectations around you pile up and the juggling of priorities, demands and options feels impossible. Back to basics. So simple.

All that happens when you are asleep

The following messages were waiting for me when I woke up this morning:

Text message 1 (4:09 am):
Little B is drunk. I'm of couse uglier. (Accompanied by a photo of two feet in tights with holes.)

Text message 2 (4:12 am):
Photo of the bottom half of a body.

Text message 3 (4:13 am):
I'm uglier. Adorable is more drunk. Good night. Laughter.

Little B and Adorable on a real piss-up in Prague. Did I feel boring after my ten thirty bedtime or what? It's lovely to know that your friends think of you when they are pissed!

What I love doing

Three days of leadership training has come to an end. A feeling of emptiness has taken over where the intensity of being present with each and every participant was before. I've learned and been challenged as much as I've presented and facilitated. My job at its best. More of this and less of monster meetings. Next week is a week of monster meetings... But first a weekend with some time and space to prepare for next week's biggest challenge: letting my boss in on my great business idea. Selling and resigning in the same meeting. I wonder if anyone has written a book about that.

Random ant thought

How do they know where they are going?

Work at its best

There's a good Zen story of a student who went to a roshi, a teacher, demanding to be taught the secret of enlightenment. Instead of saying something, the roshi began to pour the student a cup of tea. The cup became full; yet the master kept on pouring and the tea spilled over onto the floor.

"My cup is full, Master. Why do you keep on pouring more and more?" the student asked.

"Like this cup of tea, your mind is already filled with something. If I pour my knowledge into your cup, it will just go onto the floor because there's no room in your mind for it. You will interpret my instructions according to what you already think. Your mind will not be able to accept the truth I give you."
From The Living Gita - A commentary for modern readers by Sri Swami Satchidananda

We just designed half an hour's session in a leadership programme based on this small story. It all comes together. Yoga philosophy and leadership development. It will be exciting to see how the participants interpret the story and bring it back to their everyday leadership experiences.

Anchors

How does your text message alert makes you feel? Happy, stressed, curious or neutral? Quite interesting when you think about it as it's one of those every day anchors that we have programmed our mind with. Some of my 'feel good' anchors are triggered by seeing an available black cab in London. Or smelling espresso coffee and freshly squeezed orange juice in a café.

At the moment my text alert is a positive anchor. Yes, I'm waiting for a text message of the happy sort.

Holiday in mind

Send your mind on holiday was the message at tonight's yoga class. Imagine a beautiful and relaxing place, let the mind go there. A way to try to control the mind and leave it be, not to go into any particular thought. Just knowing it's on holiday...And while the mind is on holiday, you can experience yoga the way it is intended. Anything that works to keep the mind chatter at a distacne is good. A side effect of this particular visualisation was the temptation to take the same trip as the mind, which defeats the pupose of being here and now. But still a good exercise.

Ocean waves coming our way

There is a lot of actitvity on the dating scene at the moment. All of a sudden most of my single girlfriends have something going, and some have more than one. And the dating seems to be contagious. After months of calm sea, there are now ripples almost everywhere and in some cases the odd ocean wave.

Without waves there wouldn't be as many species living in the sea. Translation to the dating scene: It's easier to find your next date if you already have one. Or going from an emotional stand still to an emotional movement is harder than going from a ripple of an emotion to an emotional wave.

Sharing dates

The following email made me see a different side to my dating efforts.
From the tee time manager at the golf club:
'Hi P, you played golf with an American guy last week and the third member in your ball would like to get in contact with him. If you don't mind, could you please send the American's contact details to him on the following email address? Kind regards from the Membership Office'

It was pretty clear after the golf round that there wasn't going to be a third date. What I didn't know was that my date and the other player had bonded to the degree that the tee time manager got involved to connect them once more. Glad my dating efforts are useful for something.

The return

The joy when seeing the silhouette of Stockholm as the train slowly approached the station. Coming back after only two days away but the feeling is still the same. As per my normal habit, it was the return from my biweekly unglamorous Gothenburg trip. But this time it was saved by some quality time with Little Miss Happy and her two minis when I decided to stay an extra night to go and see them in their pittoresque cottage on the countryside. Almost twentyfour hours of bonding, talking and walking, lasagna, pancakes and sausages. When the four year old invited me to stay in his room for the night I felt very special. But there was also grown up time. We may lead different lives right now, but that doesn't stop us from having essential conversations to our wine, cheese doodles and sweets.

In a home with two small children there is no need to apologise for being sleepy in the evenings and when we threw in the towel at ten thirty I think it was with a sigh of relief from the sleep deprived Little Miss Happy.

Restaurant browsing

It's that time of the month.

Spent the morning browsing through Squaremeal.co.uk to find out what's hot and what's not. Old favourites from four years or longer ago are still around. Zuma, Hakkasan, Momo, Nobu, Yauatcha and E&O are still on the hot list. There is a reason we named them our favourites and soon they will be as institutionalised as The Wolseley and Scott's. Then we know we are old.

London life - my mirage on the horizon.