The yoga classroom

Welcoming the new comers

One after the other they came sleepwalking down to the pool. The rest of the group arrived early morning yesterday. A few hours of sleep and then they fought the sleep deprivation and jetlag and joined us, the veterans, by the poolside. The speed and stress from Sweden and Norway had obviously followed them to Kerala. One million questions about how things work, what to order, where to swim. Stress over the anatomy exam, studying muscles and physiology although their eyes could hardly focus on the hand in front of them.

Sweetest M and I went into hiding when the questions became too many and the ripples on the previously so calm water became too harassing. Soon they will be absorbing the Indian spirit, the tensions will melt in the sun and the speed will be adapted to a more comfortable pace. But there is no doubt that the energy has shifted.

Part two is about to kick off

The holiday is over and we have come to day one of the second block of the yoga teacher training. The routine Sweetest M and I have had for the last week is about to change. The early start will continue of course, but instead of quietly enjoying a cup of tea in the company of notebooks and pens, it’s now time to kick off every day with 90 minutes of yoga practice. And the hours by the pool where we have been reading and preparing will be switched for hours in the classroom where our understanding of the literature will be discussed and challenged. Instead of quiet meals and private conversations we will now join in with the big group and adapt the conversations thereafter.

We have a soft start though as the anatomy exam on New Year’s Eve is already a tick done for us. Instead we are discussing what kind of massage or beauty treatment we should book us in for while the others are sweating over muscles in Latin and the impact of yoga on the parasympathetic nervous system.

So in a way the holiday is continuing. But with less flexibility and a different speed.

The life scale to find balance

I believe that to know balance you have to loose balance from time to time. To define and feel happiness you need to know what the opposite feels like. We strive for a balanced life; be it family-me time balance, saving-consumption balance or work-life balance. And when we get too little me time, consume more than we can afford and work longer hours than there is in a day, we may feel uneasy, restless or even unhappy. Or unbalanced. So then we look for a way to balance ourselves again in the constant search for a better life, the life where all our aspirations and hopes are fulfilled. Where there is a never-ending flow of happiness and love. The life that doesn’t exist.

The One Million Dollar question is how to appreciate the unbalances in between the balances. A small saying in search for the answer:

To loose balance in love is to live balance in life.

May be to be balanced in one area you need to be unbalanced in another. So rather than lookin for the unbalances, look for the balances... May be it's as simple as that.

Let's just say we felt slightly underdressed

Medicine for body and soul

We are on a health trip really. No meat; there isn’t much to choose from to begin with. Hardly no coffee; I’m not complaining but the cup in the morning proves to be just enough. No alcohol; with the exception of half a bottle of beer on Christmas Eve and I’m guessing we may even a full bottle each on New Years Eve. Plenty of yoga topped up with some swimming. Add fresh fruit and vegetables, time to sleep, relax and reflect and the health trip is complete. The bonus is the Ayurvedic massage for those who are in favour of being soaked in oil. We have concluded that Swedish massage beats the Indian version.
All in all, a retreat for body and soul. It’s not just the temperature. There is something else that makes the air soft and caressing. Something that makes the body and mind all relaxed and flowing.

The lack of sound of silence

Woken up by a chaos of competing loudspeakers filled with tunes and singing for the morning prayer. It’s loud. It’s in your face. The sounds of nature are suffocated by manmade sound. Every morning it starts around five and goes on until eight o’clock. This is what they have; every day in their lives it’s the same. They never wake up to a quiet silence. It takes some getting used to.

Words to describe a small part of India

It’s like all impressions are seasoned to be extra spicy. The colours are of the brighter version, like everything has been pained in the strongest touch. Surrounded by sounds from nature and the tunes of life where most of it happens under the open sky. Calls for prayer, calls for attention. Silence needs a new definition. Or it has to be carried within.

The smells and scents make your nostrils vibrate. The opposite of the smell of snow. The exotic taste of Indian cooking. There is no hiding, there is no free space.

Contrasts. Excessive food and water next to the complete lack of the same. Cool, clean and fresh next to damp, filth and poverty. How to accept and enjoy the beauty while the beast is your neighbour seems to be the Indian challenge. How to be generous and true and make a difference where it really does make a difference seems to be another.

Will giving a school pen to a child on the beach make a difference or is it just a way to keep guilt on a more comfortable distance? “At least I did some good today, so now I can enjoy this delicious meal”. I don’t know.

The sounds, smells, visions, tastes constantly demand your attention. The contrasts which put an edge to everything. There is nothing you can do, or want to do, to avoid it. Just accept to be overtaken by the Indian spirit and go with the Indian flow.

Christmas Eve 2010

Doha, Qatar

Was I ever asleep?

Waking up after a predictable sleepless night. Going to bed with a number of big questions playing in my head, the brain naturally continued to its own device when all I wanted was to have break and drift off to a dreamless sleep.

Two candles and a large cup of tea. Supported by the diary from the last couple of months and a moment of quiet reflection, and eventually some recognition of what it is that I need right now. Knowing that the uneasy feeling is exactly what it should be. Knowing that the way forward couldn't be any different. Slowly the questions are being formulated and with that the road with milestones are becoming visible again.

To be continued in a café later this morning.

Cream cakes complete

Geography lesson

With less than three days to go, I thought I'd check out exactly where in India I'm going. Having been asked a few times, I've made up the standard answer "Kerala, south of India". When I get follow-up questions like "So you are close to Sri Lanka, no?", or "How far away from Bombay are you?" I realise I have no idea.

Now that's resolved! Flying into Trivandrum, the capital of Kerala, which is located on the west side near the extreme south of the mainland. The resort is close to Kovalam, known to be "the paradise of the south". Sounds good enough to me.

And although Sri Lanka doesn't look too far away on the map I have a feeling it's a rather lengthy and challenging boat trip to make. Bombay is 1 543 km away, so that rules out any city tours or shopping trips. Good to know!

The cream cakes are growing

Grateful and happy

Happiness is to wake up with a smile and the feeling "I'm so lucky". I'm so lucky for my loving family. The long family lunch yesterday, including my oldest friend who is family in mind but not in blood, is just one more dear example. Warm in heart by conversation and closeness and in body by gulasch and candles. Youngest nephew with his contagious laughter. Family dog competing for attention. Appreciation. Affection. Attachment.

Surprise visit from dear D all of a sudden in my hallway. Unexpected text messages from friends in the past. Getting the girls together for champagne and starter before continuing to the restaurant where we clearly laughed too much for the neighbouring tables liking.

A birthday to remember and a wonderful takeoff for life as one year older than the day before.

It started at 9 am

Beautiful J and little D ringing on door at 9 am with a surprise cake. Laugh or cry? Or a bit of both.

A balcony full of cream cakes

How not to do a sales pitch

Three hours into dinner and I still hadn't brought myself to ask her the one question I had in mind when I contacted her. A door opener to a potential client. A possibility to get a meeting with Mr Seniorresponsibleforall. It just felt wrong. Like I had tricked her into having dinner with me on false pretenses. As if I wasn't interested in hearing about her and having an engaging conversation over a light dinner.

When she finally asked me, after three hours of chatting about everything and nothing, if I had anything special on my mind when we booked this get-together I simply answered "No..."

Yet she must have known.

I clearly have some work to do when it comes to sales pitching.

Tick!

First exam done. Antomy studies are now put to rest and Sanskrit studies are brought to focus. It was probably a good idea I didn't know how much studying was involved before I signed up for this instructor training programme. But in less than a week the studies will take place far away from snow and darkness...

The flying Christmas tree

Every morning I have the luxury of a flying Christmas tree outside the window. A very smart move of the construction company to decorate the otherwise rather disturbing crane with some christmassy ambience.

Taking stock on uniqueness

So what was it then? December 15 (not 16) 2010 - once in a lifetime. Scary. And the same goes for every day. Once it's passed it will never come back. Born at sunrise, dead by sunset (well, may be a little bit later wintertime in Scandinavia). So to collect something that is unique for every single day should really be a given.

Work? No, can't say it felt special or unique in any way.
Gym? Even less so.
Friends etc.? Well, an unexpected text message is probably the landmark in terms of today's uniqueness.

What it means and what happens next is part of another day's uniqueness.

Open mind on a unique Wednesday

And then there are days when you wonder: what will make this day unique? How will I remember December 15 2010 to be able to say "that was the day when...". Today's mission: find out the uniqueness of a normal Wednesday in December.

First Christmas present

Can a five-hour meeting with fourteen people ever be efficient? Everybody contributes a little, everybody listens a little, everybody drifts off a little. I dare say that nobody is completely present for five hours. A nice reward at the end of the meeting was our Christmas presents. It wasn't an iPad but it was delicious.

Christmas party number two this week

More children than adults and more food and sweets than we could possibly eat. Time for adults to talk and children to play. My youngest goddaughter clearly established that we haven't seen each other since last summer, which is a looong time ago. No excuses felt relevant when I looked into her pretty little face. A mental note to become more present in her life. One of many New Year's resolutions for 2011.

Christmas party number one this week

With a small man with a lot of attitude but also a lot of self-irony. Preceded by an Asian meal. An evening that exceeded expectations, especially when small man sang the old favourite 'King for a day'. ...it's worth living poorly for a while if you can be king in the bar for one night...

All of a sudden we regressed to our teens and early twenties. Flashbacks. Some good and some forgotten.

It started as expats in London

Months since the last time. Much has happened since. But it doesn't matter. We are as close as ever. A long lunch with tears and laughing and a sweet Baby F to gold-plate our reunion.

We met thirteen years' ago when we were just about to embark on the journey to life as an expat Swede. Many times did we meet in The Dome, a French restaurant chain where you could eat a two course meal for £9.99, to share the ups and downs of our week. And just as many times did we enjoy the posh London places to wine and dine with various groups of people who were passing through London or London residents who were, just like us, taking this extravagant life for granted. Fun it was. Friendship grew. And friendship lasted.

Outnumbered by a twelve year old

To do the math homework with a twelve year old and recognise that he is quicker than you in mental calculations. A combination of admiration and harsh realisation of the impact from years of using calculators. All of a sudden my accounting days seem very far away. Again, nothing to do with getting older.

Random

Fire, spice or just life? To sometimes stir things up. To face challenges or fears. Not having an intention, just be. Knowing that a full month with plenty of time for contemplation and reflection is around the corner. But now is now.

One lowlight and two highlights

Today's lowlight:

• Missed the rare occasion of catching Charming J when she was in town. Something called work required attention and I couldn't escape for an othewise tempting afternoon coffee.

Today's highlights:

• Registration of mynewcompany domain, website and email. That means I now exist in cyperspace with a professional identity, as opposed to my otherwise random presence in the social media environment.
  
• Sweating on the treadmill. Sometimes loud music and sweat is the best clearing of the mind there is.
  

Study, study, study...

History and muscles, sanskrit and latin. And now some practice. My admiration for all yoga instructors has grown to a deeper level.

Sweet Pooh

About making an effort. Stepping outside the comfort zone. Engaging with people, even though the communication is halting. Sometimes wondering, why bother. Then Pooh's naive but still mindful words convey a dimension that can be as simple as ever or as complicated as you make it.

“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

Winnie the Pooh

Christmas party number two in the same week

This time the big version, including Christmas buffet and a live band. Polite conversations, giggles with the girls, football talk with the guys and a few pirouettes on the dance floor. And then I played Cinderella (the early version who needs to leave long before midnight) and disappeared off to home sweet home.

Somehow the Christmas parties lost their glory after I left the UK. May be I'm missing the mandatory Christmas hat and cracker? Because it's not about getting older...

Kitchen action and team dinner

Q: How many chefs can work in my kitchen at the same time?
A: Four plus two cold-buffet manageresses preparing the starter just outside the picture.

New appreciation for IT support

One thing that I will certainly miss when going self employed is the superb IT support that I'm used to. Installing the new mobile broadband took forever (the supplier has made it more complicated for Mac-users; I wonder why?!) and running back an forth to different mobile network operators when it became clear that the one I first picked had absolutely no reception in my new office (alias my flat, which is on the top floor in an area that is considered by most people to be very central).

The operator questioned me if the walls were very thick... All you have to do to set up your own business. The day I can employ an IT manager will be a real milestone.

Beloved London

The double decker bus. Children in school uniform. British gentlemen on the train. Sheppherds Pie and Bonoffee Pie. Hot water bottle in the bed. Long pub lunch, fireplace and red wine on a Sunday. Fortnum and Mason. My English friends and family. Just to mention a few things that brings out my London smile. The top up from the last couple of days will last me for a couple of weeks...

Afternoon tea conversation

After a full day's work we concluded our business talk while picking up my business partner's children from school. The oldest one ran off with a friend and we took the six-year-old, a pretty princess, to afternoon tea and cake before walking back to the house.

This is how the conversation went:

My business partner: 'Hey, Princess, we want to talk to you. We can't do that if you are playing on the phone.' (Princess wanted the iPhone.) You know, you don't have to wait for us to ask you questions. You can also ask questions to us.'
Princess: After some careful thinking. 'What is your favourite colour?'
Me: 'I think it's still blue. What is yours?'
Princess: 'Purple.'
My business partner: 'Oh, I thought it was pink?'
Princess: 'No, I changed when I turned six. Now it's purple.'
Conversation moves on...
Princess: 'What is your favourite type of swimming?'
My business partner: 'You know, Princess, you can also discuss topics which are not just the answer to a question...'

How to bring up children to master the art of conversation and social skills!

Pub lunch with T and S

Coffee next to a Birkin

At Harvey Nichs of course.

Kate, what happened??

Not even Kate gets away with these dresses.

Tartine, London

Late lunch. Me and all the other ladies-who-lunch. So Kensington.

Building on the theme of today's yoga class

If your life was a film, and naturally you would be the lead, what would it be like? Drama, comedy or thriller? Where would it be located and who would be the supporting actors? Not just now, but in the past and in the future?

What we were really getting at was if you are living your life at your best potential and if you are the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.

Unless you are also the producer, you may not control the scenes and conditions, but you can still decide how to relate to them.

Pink temptation

I couldn't resist. The little set with Hello Kitty in a strawberry bar. I don't even know who to give it to yet. Could it be my crush for Hello Kitty stationery when I was ten that is all of a sudden making itself known? So there goes my principle of pedagogic toys out the window.

Our corporate give aways

Could it be more right?

Barbie on the wishlist

The Christmas presents distress has started. Although I will be in a remote place far away from Santa, the precious godchildren, nieces and nephews still deserve their gifts. There will be three different possibilities from my end: Lego, books or toys with a pedagogical purpose, like a jigsaw with letters and numbers. Some wishlists actually match these categories. The exception is Barbie. Pedagogical toy on how you don't want to be when you grow up? Far-fetched I would have thought.

India is not that far away

Four weeks to go and then this will be my reality for a month.

http://www.isoladicocco.com

A sad destiny

A day with no reasons or demands to leave home. A cold, grey and wet cloth has placed itself over Stockholm. Very unfriendly. No social engagements to attend to, no obligations or have tos. A long desired for, quiet day in. Time for cooking, time for yoga and time for reflection.

Last night's drinks party led to a meeting with an old school friend. He was embedded in a cloud of alcohol and with a slurred speech he did his best to have an interesting conversation. The polite words couldn't disguise the sadness and disappointment within him. A lost little boy masked in the body of a man. What happened? Drugs and prostitution in combination with sad family conditions. Rumour or truth? Don't know.

Once again I was reminded of how lucky I am to have such a loving and supportive family.

Post-autumn, pre-winter

When men get married

It's a fact that all of my male friends disappeared after they got married. The spontaneous drinks after work, evenings turning into nights and chitchatting growing to heated discussions. Gone. My married girlfriends are still around so marriage as an institution isn't necessarily the antagonist to friendship. Naturally there is less time to meet up when there are babies involved, but they are still there and the friendship is still a two-way street.

But something seems to happen to men when they get married. The need for female friends disappear. Or was it never an honest friendship in the first place?

As always there are are exceptions to the rule. One of them Little B and I caught up with last night. We joined him and his girlfriend at the end of their romantic dinner and when she decided to call it a night (note: no drama, no hard feelings), he decided to stay out with us for a couple of drinks. The evening turned into night and the champagne flooded...

Ah... that's right. There may be children involved, but no marriage. Somehow I still think he would be the exception to the rule.

Two women and a man

Planning for a visit to Apple

First contract sent off. Once signed, second contract will follow soon. With revenues around the corner may be time to write that shopping list of necessary equipment to get the business going. Just about anything from the Apple store should do the trick.

This week Gothenburg, but...

...next week London. A balanced commuting life.

Proper cooking

Chicken à l'Italien. Or something. A Monday evening of cooking and entertaining, a very rare occasion. I can't even remember when I last made the effort of actually cooking something, not just mixing half ready-made ingredients together in some sort of salad or pasta dish. Tonight's cooking included butter, cream and port just to mention a few. And the salad was definitely a minority.

Great comedienne, actress and writer

More than two hours of entertainment where she took the audience from a chorus of laughter to serious silence, and via some thoughtful songs back to more laughter. I'm impressed by this thirty-four year old woman who seems to have done so much in her life. Sitcoms, live shows, a book and two children. And probably much more.

The question we pondered after the show was if you need to have had a difficult childhood, eating disorders or experienced some kind of abuse to be a successful stand up comedian. It certainly opens doors to areas that are otherwise forbidden to make jokes about. Have you not experienced an eating disorder and come out on the other side then you can't joke about it. The same goes for bullying, weight problems and dysfunctional relationships.

She certainly put herself out there. But somehow I got the feeling that she still has her integrity. That no matter how much she discloses of her body, experiences or emotions, she has something that is so profound that makes her able to do all of this without selling her soul. Admiration.

A new view

It was there for a minute and then it was gone again. The sun that is, not the crane which appeared in my view the other morning. Somehow I think it will stay there for a very long time as it is part of the massive building site for a new train line. This is probably how the Parisians felt when la Tour Eiffel changed the city skyline of Paris for ever.

On the to do list today

• Sitt still and do nothing part 1
• Go for a long walk with favourite doggy
• Sit still and do nothing part 2
  
• Study muscle names, muscle structure, muscle functions, muscle cells... And may be exercise a few while at it
• Sit still and do nothing part 3
  
• Finally get a test drive of the nail polish from last time's London trip

And this is the lead up to a glorious evening with Beautiful J where we at some point late tonight join a party to celebrate somebody's fortieth birthday. Somebody I don't know so I can observe from a distance. A slow realisation process to face the fact that I'm closer to forty than to thirtyfive.

Special birthday greeting

Last time I celebrated his birthday with him was fourteen years ago. But I still call him every year. A date that I will always remember.

And he does the same. Family but still not.

It's a tacit undestanding.

Pulling it together, almost like the final exam

Emotional outbursts and unexpected behaviours in challenging scenarios. The actors our participants faced during a full day of testing and practicing their leadership skills did a great job. There was no other option than to be completely present in the moment as the scenarios could take unexpected turns and the planned script had to go out the window. Very exciting and extremely effective.

The best reward of them all was seeing how the participants with passion applied the learnings and feedback from the last six months. The openness to develop and improve, the willingness and committment to support each other...

To be part of somebody's leadership development is a true gift.

A step in a direction

There I was. In the middle of two men, facilitating the kick-off of something bigger. Will this really work? Can we find a way forward that we all believe in and can commit to? Big words, visions and aspirations. Now time to fill them with realistic content.

Muscles, studies and work

Musculus quadriceps femoris had a good workout when I defied the cold, dark evening and went for a run along the canal. Surprisingly nice. The study and training programme for the next seven weeks will be challenging. Exams just like in the old days. A minimum of three yoga classes per week, and preferably observation of a couple of classes too.

All happy-go-lucky if it wasn't for the little detail of a full-time job that needs to happen in between. And starting a new business. Or at least building the foundation to be ready in the new year. Very important meeting happening tomorrow night when I'm hoping to seal a deal with two of my future business partners. I still can't tear myself from the yoga studies to focus on preparation for the business meeting.

Sunday morning

First milestone is almost completed

One day to go and then we have completed sixty hours of lectures in nine days. It's not called The Intense Yoga Instructor Progamme for nothing. It's been truly enjoyable but also exhausting; it's obvious that studying takes up much more brain power than work.

Last night I dreamt of body parts. In Latin. No surprise if the Veda texts and Bhagavad Gita turn up in one shape or another as soon as I close my eyes tonight.

A normal day in the Yogic classroom

Learning Sanskrit and Latin in the same week is certainly a challenge. In addition to languages, my yoga instructor training is a crash course in physiotherapy and history. And patience with people who have a need to express every thought and reflection they have to the whole group.

Breathe. Breathe again. And wait for the lesson where we are taught the Yogic way of saying 'Shut the f....k up!'.

Benjamin

The guy I've been looking at all day. The boney guy that is, not the guy in orange.

Being a student again

Who would have thought that muscles have so many different roles, that there are more than one type of joint or that there is no connective tissue in the liver? A whole new world is opening up although I've been living in it for thirty something years. Whoever figured out the biomechanics of the body did an impressive job.

To celebrate or not to celebrate

If someone asks you to make a toast to celebrate something in your life, there is always at least one thing worth celebrating. We may feel a bit embarrassed to share it there and then, which by the way is not very helpful for creating a positive lifestyle, but there will definitely be something worth mentioning. And this was the theme of Little B's champagne bonanza. An evening filled with bubbles and babbles and then the cheering interventions when one of us was asked to make a toast to something we wanted to celebrate in our lives. A lovely evening with high spirits.

Unwanted

What's the correct way to greet somebody whose death we've been plotting? May be not as bad as that, but pretty close.

The unacceptable way things happened, the betrayal, the grief and the contiuous unhappiness this person causes. All of this to one of my dearest friends. After years of hearing about one incident worse than the other, but happily spared his presence, we were all of a sudden face to face. There was no way to look other than straight into his eyes. So what do you say? The only thing that came to mind was a harsh 'what are you doing here?'. No smile, but I didn't cause a scene either. My body language probably gave it all away anyhow.

Analyse this

A back of the envelope analysis of blog posts resulted in some food for thought. I have fifteen blog posts labeled 'Dating' versus nineteen labeled 'Shopping'. That's an unfavourable ratio as there is a negative correlation between dating and shopping. Less dating, more shopping.

So there are two options to improve the ratio: start a shopping ban for the rest of the year or create some action on the dating scene.

Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me which of the two options I should go for?

Sign, skills and charm

When the highlight of the workday is a sales pitch meeting with a headhunter, then something isn't quite right. Time to speed up the change. Tomorrow's meeting hopefully provides a big step in the right direction. This is when I put all my skills and charm to use when presenting The Way Forward.

Never turn back

This memorable metaphor concludes the self study part of the yoga instructor training:

'Turning back is almost like trying to eat what you have vomited. No sensible person would do that. Sometimes, people are tempted to go back to their old ways. They should just stay a little while and think:
"What will I get that's new that I haven't tasted before? Anything? No, the same rotten stuff that once was bitter to me. How can it be tasty now?"
The mind has simply forgotten the bitterness. Now it looks a little tasty. That's the trick of the mind. So, let us never look back, but march on and on until we reach the goal.'
The Living Gita, Sri Swami Satchidananda

Reassurance - unnecessary comfort?

You know that it is right. Intuition, gut feel and every sign in the universe is pointing in the same direction. And if there is some logic to it as well, then it's a done deal. Almost. Sometimes you just need that final reassurance from someone else. Someone you trust and someone who knows something you don't. My reassurance comes from different sources depending on if it's the intuition that needs to be reassured or the logic. I guess that the fact that I know where to go for different kind of reassurances should be enough to know that it's not really necessary...

Blog anniversary

Three hundred and sixty five days later - and it is still alive. A glass of champagne would have been in order to celebrate but may have to wait until next Saturday when Little B is having a champagne bonanza.

Compulsory shopping and contrasts

Bond Street, Conduit Street and Regent Street one day; IKEA et al. in the industrial outskirts of Stockholm on the next. Contrasts in life when it comes to shopping. The compulsory shopping behaviour to alleviate unwelcome broken expectations seems to work in both worlds. The good thing is that I can stop whenever I want to. But I don't want to. The beauty of making your own money and not having to defend your extravagances to anyone who may have a different view on what you really really need (or just feel like getting because you can...).

How does this fit into the yogic life style? Well, it doesn't. Yet another contrast in life. And perhaps an evidence of the complexity we face when being part of a modern society. It would be much simpler to avoid compulsory shopping in a monastery in Nepal.

Here we go

Coincidence or what?

Certainly in need of recharging and thought a glass of wine would be a step in the right direction. And here I am in the free recharge zone trying to figure out what the point of the last couple of months dating was. I'm sure there was one, but my batteries are running flat in the process of finding it.

London on my wall

The latest addition to my collection of London items. Found by Adorable at an auction this weekend. A mirror of my self image could it be? Strolling around the streets of London in a swaying dress and pittoresque bonnet accompanied by Dalmatians. Why not? The only reservation I have is the angry man in the corner.

Learning from Tolle

In our consumer society and economic structures there is only one measure of progress. It is always more. The endless growth desease. A dysfunction from the alter ego who wants more; obsession and attachment. Like Eckhart Tolle puts it in a very black and white way, it's the same dysfunction the cancerous cell manifests, whose only goal is to multiply itself, unaware that it is bringing about its own destruction by destroying the organism of which it is part.

Learning? In the attempt to improve our quality of life and to give our next of kin a better life than we had ourselves, we choose to define better in materialistic terms unaware of the fact that we are walking down the road of self destruction.

But there is hope. I'm only on page 37 so I'm reading on to find the eye openers to enable a deviation from the road with only one end goal.

How do you become an angel?

By feeding your mind a diet of elevated thoughts.

Borrowed from 'thought for today'.

Words of sweet wisdom.

Belstaff continued...

Here it is. The Belstaff I would like on my hanger!

My favourite yoga teacher

I believe the feeling of being in a uterus could be similar to the yoga shala during a yin class. Such a soothing and peaceful sensation. An oasis where time stops for a moment. Time to land, time to breathe and focus. Everything else is left outside. A flow of consciousness and life force running through the stimulated nadis. All for well-being, presence and female energy.

You can always say stop rambling and do something

Three museums later I gave up. Didn't make it to the other side of the entrance of anyone of them. The queues were just unacceptable not to mention the number of pushchairs and rude Swedes. So I thought I'd lick my wounds and treat myself for trying to be cultural on a Saturday. A simple but delicious hot dog outside the posh department store. Guess what; there was a queue that could easily have been mistaken for the queue to a rock concert. No hotdog. Back to the couch. Back to the Californication DVD box.

This pretty much sums up my Saturday in Stockholm. And my London longing. As if I haven't spelled it out loud and clear already.

At least there is a dinner party to look forward to. May be no sequins or Manolos to be seen (well, if so that would be me slightly OTT for the Swedish liking), but let's hope there is champagne!

Just to make winter agreeable

Kate and Belstaff at the same time. English fashion it is. And Belstaff is my new wintercoat. I have made some space for it in my wardrobe and the hanger is waiting. Just the little detail of getting it from the shop at Conduit Street. And the purse that is put to rest for the rest of the month may have to make an exception.

? instead of ! or ...

There I was. Left as a question mark. When I'd rather be an exclamation point. Or if I could choose, may be a dot dot dot...

Life of a commuter

I'm trying to pretend I'm on the Arlanda express and that I'm soon about to board a BA flight, but somehow it's not quite working. London in my dreams; Gothenburg, here I come.

Meeting with the Power of Now

Eckhart Tolle that is. The author of the book that marks one of my personal milestones, a real turning point. To see a modern spiritual leader live is going to be very interesting. How is he going to convey his messages using more than just words? My favourite coach has organised tickets to this inspirational seminar next Friday night. In London. It's like in the old days; commuting between London and Stockholm. Lovely.

In charge of the remote control

Exactly what is it with Desperate Housewives that makes it an attractive TV option?
The uncensored evilness and complete lack of loyalty to anyone but themselves (and they are not afraid of admitting it)?
The aspiration to one day become a houswife and join the ladies who lunch team?
The fact that there is very little competition on Swedish telly on a Tuesday evening (or any other evening for that matter)?

Tonight any male company would have been at the expense of giving up the exclusive charge of the remote control, resulting in an evening of watching the Sweden-Holland match. But right now there is no one between me and Desperate Housewives.

Different levels of dieting

Cosmopolitan, splendid and energising. After a weekend full of eating à la British cuisine and shopping like we were in possession of no wearable outfits, a diet control feels rather relaxing.

Purse is put to rest for the rest of the week (month/season?!). Body is being treated with fish, vegetables and exercise. And as far as the mind is concerned this is the tip of the day, said before and worth repeating:

Pure thoughts are the healthy diet for the mind.
Creative thoughts are like vitamins.
Positive thoughts provide proteins that build will power.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Long lunch after productive shopping with my best shopping companions. God we're good together!

Pret break

Going back to old favourites

"...Fourth year running, the Michelin Eating Out in Pubs Guide 2010 Green Man Recognition for Excellence..." The Admiral Codrington, the Chelsea pub with a bright but cosy restaurant...

The place where we will be hanging out tomorrow night.

Followed by E&O on Saturday night...

"Seemingly immune to the ravages of time or fashion, E&O continues to garner praise from all quarters; ‘fun, fresh & friendly’ is how one reader sums it up. The sparse dining room looks as on-trend as ever – just like its endlessly socialising occupants. For those who can divert themselves from eyeballing their celeb neighbours, there’s surprisingly good pan-Asian food." (Square Meal review)

Collection of fruits

Imagine a room with 150 people. Imagine a podium occupied by the inland revenue, the company registration office, the social security administration and a number of different authoritites. All there to give a small taster of how to navigate in the jungle of requirements and admin you need to consider to set up your own company. Conclusion: you have to be so convinced that this is what you want to do! The number of obstacles the authorities put up is endless. Having a basic understanding of company law, book keeping and taxes obviously helps. When one of the participants wanted a more detailed walkthrough of a simple book keeping example I felt really sorry for her. This is just the beginning...

Today I continue my public service study tour with a day at the Police Academy; at least as far as the venue is concerned. Probably no police officers involved. In a far-fetched way, the fruit of today is connected with the fruit of yesterday. I'm collecting all sorts of fruit to create my complete fruit bowl!

Sparkle deficit

Cocktail parties, high heels, sequined tops, big bracelets and red lipsticks. That's it. What's missing right now. I'm in need of sparkles! I have an idea of something else that could result in sparkles but it seems as far away as a sequined top right now.

Mobile mobile on the wall, what is the sparkliest text message of all?

Letter from T

I recognise the handwriting as if it was my own. A long, lovely letter from my dearest English friend arrived in the mail today. A special moment in the favourite armchair, a cup of tea and reading the letter is almost as if I was sitting in her lounge chatting. We have known each other for more than twenty years. Who would have thought that our first uncomfortable meeting, when I dreaded speaking English, would grow into a lifelong friendship? And her daughter is my lovely god daughter who is now a teenager. I miss my English family.

Sunday afternoon

Can you enjoy Toy Story three if you missed one and two? I'm just about to find out, but I'm pretty sure my entertainment will be based on my niece and nephew and not the film.

Champagne learning nugget

Veuve Clicquot was a real woman, a real widow. 200 years ago she produced the very first vintage champagne. A young, single mother who was widowed at the age of 27. Wow, what a woman and role model. Respect.

The art of texting

Writing text messages with the correct tone and the right words to achieve the desired reaction from the recipient and a positive sequel is an art. The number of hours we (it normally takes at least two people) have spent on analysing these short messages that seem to be such an important communication channel these days. The old fashioned letters are long gone. Landlines are under threat of extermination. Emails are getting rusty. Somehow texting seems to be the ultimate way to communicate. Short, efficient messages that can easily be interpreted to our advantage (or disadvantage). We still like.

Hermès love

A little something to counterbalance the otherwise quite unglamourous day.

Here we go again

Frequent train traveler. Who would have thought... Not really part of my self image, which proves I still have plenty to learn.

Ex news

In the middle of my conversation with a colleague over lunch at the elegant department store, I feel somebody is looking at me. I look up and there she is. My ex-ex boyfriend's ex-ex-ex girlfriend. In this equation I'm the ex-ex girlfriend. We are both on the other side, i.e. post-relationship with this man and may be that is the reason I feel connected to her. In a good way. We have other mutual friends too and our greeting is warm and friendly. I haven't seen her for years.

In our one minute catch up, she provides me with the big news. He got married. Somehow I thought he was a commitment-phobic so this is certainly unexpected. Especially since last I heard of him he had just split up with somebody.
My next question is naturally: 'To whom??'.
That's when she says: 'Have a guess. You know who it is.'

There is only one person that springs to mind. His best friend's little sister. And of course I'm right. I met her a few times, but that's about it. There was something back then that I could recognise as uncomfortable and not quite right. Now I have the answer. And this makes me the ex-ex-ex girlfriend.

Launch party

A work thingy where people were fighting to get in. Free champagne in slick-packing district is still hot.

The balance between superficial and spiritual

To nominate today's highlights, I had to take stock of the choices...

Reading and misunderstanding contract
Obviously not a highlight. Didn't want to do it in the first place, did it and did it wrong.

A number of meetings and conference calls
I still wait for the perfect meeting that is 100% relevant, efficient and fun. Very difficult to find. And no. No hightlight to be found.

Emergency eye lash tint
My loyal beautician. She can always be trusted and she understands the importance of quickly taking care of a faded tint. As shallow as it may sound, I still think the twentyfive minutes of tinting makes it to the list.

Bhagavad Gita studies followed by a long yoga session
Countdown. The self study part to be completed in time for the first intense week of yoga instructor training is a serious piece of work. Obvious choice and certainly a highlight.

Lounging in front of the tele
TBA. Don't know what's on yet, but I very much doubt it's a hightlight. Unless I revert to the DVD and SATC...

Eat Pray Love

I'm sure she will do a brilliant job. But I had somebody else in mind for the leading role. A young Lena Olin or Isabella Rossellini, i.e. someone with an air of mysterious sophistication. It's just how I read the book. Being the star that she is, my hopes are still high that she has managed to do the book justice. To be discovered later this week.

Saturday treats

Where is my Caipirinha?

Someone is in a most exotic country where the sun is shining and the temperature exceeds twentyfive degrees at six o'clock in the morning. Someone is overlooking Copacabana. Someone probably had a Caipirinha last night. And someone is reporting all this back to a grey, wet, cold Stockholm where we just enjoyed autumnal equinox. Good bye daylight, hello darkness.

Family of five

We lived together for eighteen years, of which the youngest family member was there for twelve.

Last night we had a family get together with 'the old family'. I would say it's a rarity and that we are quite unique to even now have moments as an 'old' family', without spouses or children. We still enjoy spending time together, we have interesting discussions and we rarely argue. Can't even remember when we last had a family argument, but we (children) all remember what used to happen when our parents argued when we were little. It usually ended up with one of them going for a walk. Perhaps with the impact that we (or should I say I) have a tendency to close off when I'm really upset about something. The effective silent treatment... or as a variety, the famous ostrich behaviour.

It's now twenty years since I left home. Still, the impact my parents, sister and brother have on my values, attitudes and behaviours will always be an important foundation of who I am. Family heritage and family values form you for a lifetime. I'm very lucky I picked such a good 'old family'.

Stockholm on a Wednesday

Freedom - to take a day off in the middle of the week

Flexibility - to decide how to spend the day entirely on my own

Joy - to take a long walk in the September sun

My Hotel

Hopefully my work aspirations will lead to more time in London. Actually, I'm sure they will. So hotel browsing is not only a matter of daydreaming about my favourite city, it's part of my job.

One of the obvious favourites is the chic boutique hotel in Chelsea, My Hotel. Their target audience is SATC addicts and alike. Contemporary furniture and interior design. Trendy flower arrangements. Soft lounge music with no resembelence to traditional elevator music. Bagels, cream cheese and smoked salmon for breakfast, naturally served with the perfect cappu and freshly squeezed orange juice. No carpet to be seen in the bathroom. Egyptian cotton sheets and proper pillows (as opposed to the brick-like lumps that are so popular in many hotels).

More people have found this perfectly situated hotel, so the hotel browsing is all about finding a second best as My Hotel is fully booked.

A couple of fave quotes

Here is the proof. It has it all! Oh. Yes, SATC that is.

The philosophical angle:
'May be the past is like an achor holding us back. May be you have to let go of who you were... to become who you will be.'

The truth you want to tell but are too polite to mention:
Prelude:
S: 'I don't always have time to read your column."
C: 'OK then. Wow. Even my friends find me irrelevant...'
M: 'I read it every week!'
And here it comes:
S: 'You have a little man hanging from your breast, what else are you gonna do?'
(For the unenlightened: the little man is referring to a new born baby.)

The ring you want, but perhaps not the lead up to it:
'The 'hope that fucker doesn't break my heart again' diamond.'

The drug we are all on:
'Is hope a drug we need to go off of, or is it keeping us alive? What's the harm in believing?'

What a christening really is...:
M: 'He has to get baptised and wear a dress.'
C: 'Baby's first drag show. It's a very odd tradition!'

What dating really is...:
'Most first dates are like job interviews with cocktails.'

And I could go on and on...

Me: 'My name is PAM. I'm a SATC addict.'
All: 'Hi PAM.'

Golf at Bro Hof

Beautiful and 2-0 to the girls.

Foot massage

If I had a husband, he would right now be massaging my feet. Just after he had poured me a glass of wine. And lit a fire in the fireplace. Then we would pull up the blanket and have a marathon evening in front of the telly and a fine movie. The wine, the fireplace, the blanket and the movie are all present. It's just that little husband detail which is missing. And with that the massage. Darn.

Almost meeting with the past

There was something familar with the man who came into the restaurant just after us. I observed him carefully when he wasn't looking. When his company arrived a bit later it clicked. He was the boy from school who I detested deeply. A true bully with an agressive outlook, ready to sit on anyone who wasn't part of his little gang. Anyone different. Anyone who didn't look up to him. And probably anyone who made him insecure. He was seeminlgy very unhappy, with family issues and all sorts of tragedies. In fact, I know that to be true. Still, I find it hard to sympathise with him even today. I looked at him and wondered: what happened? Who is he today? Did he find anyone to love; does anyone love him? He is still hanging out with a few friends from the past, that much I gathered from last night. But I wasn't the slightest interested in making any kind of contact from where we were sitting, on a safe distance from a past that I don't want back.

Prepare for the worst hope for the best

I had prepared for the worst, no problem. Well, that is not entirely true. My worst case scenario was so bad that I delayed the necessary meeting for a couple of months. However, I was taken by a complete surprise as my "hope for the best" was nowhere close the proposal I got back. I now remember what it was in the first place that made me accept the role I have today. When my boss is good, he is really good. Now I have a big mouthful to chew and analyse. Coach, friends and selected colleagues will all be involved in my analysis. Very exciting and a whole new arena is opening up.

Gothenburg next

Female and male nervousness

Are women generally less nervous than men when holding a personal presentation in a professional environment to a group of senior people?

That was a question the chair of the jury had in today's meeting to nominate the future leader in the real estate industry. The answer from the representatives from the recruitment firm was no. But the question was still out there and I think it made everybody think. Our male candidates were clearly less comfortable in the meeting than the female candidate. Nervousness is human, but when it comes to being evaluated as a future leader it is not a helpful characteristic.

The jury was united in their final decision and the future leader was appointed.

Unfabulous without class

According to Coco I've failed miserably today. Far from fabulous and nowhere close to classy, the day was spent on the couch half asleep, with an aching body and a snotty nose. First cold of the season, no doubt a gift from one of last week's participants. The good news is that having a cold protects me from catching any other cold at the moment. If that is true or if it's a saying similar to the one with rain on your wedding day means good luck and many children, I don't know. But let's hope so. In both cases.

Timeless Coco

'A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.'

A reminder from Chanel when the expectations around you pile up and the juggling of priorities, demands and options feels impossible. Back to basics. So simple.

All that happens when you are asleep

The following messages were waiting for me when I woke up this morning:

Text message 1 (4:09 am):
Little B is drunk. I'm of couse uglier. (Accompanied by a photo of two feet in tights with holes.)

Text message 2 (4:12 am):
Photo of the bottom half of a body.

Text message 3 (4:13 am):
I'm uglier. Adorable is more drunk. Good night. Laughter.

Little B and Adorable on a real piss-up in Prague. Did I feel boring after my ten thirty bedtime or what? It's lovely to know that your friends think of you when they are pissed!

What I love doing

Three days of leadership training has come to an end. A feeling of emptiness has taken over where the intensity of being present with each and every participant was before. I've learned and been challenged as much as I've presented and facilitated. My job at its best. More of this and less of monster meetings. Next week is a week of monster meetings... But first a weekend with some time and space to prepare for next week's biggest challenge: letting my boss in on my great business idea. Selling and resigning in the same meeting. I wonder if anyone has written a book about that.

Random ant thought

How do they know where they are going?

Work at its best

There's a good Zen story of a student who went to a roshi, a teacher, demanding to be taught the secret of enlightenment. Instead of saying something, the roshi began to pour the student a cup of tea. The cup became full; yet the master kept on pouring and the tea spilled over onto the floor.

"My cup is full, Master. Why do you keep on pouring more and more?" the student asked.

"Like this cup of tea, your mind is already filled with something. If I pour my knowledge into your cup, it will just go onto the floor because there's no room in your mind for it. You will interpret my instructions according to what you already think. Your mind will not be able to accept the truth I give you."
From The Living Gita - A commentary for modern readers by Sri Swami Satchidananda

We just designed half an hour's session in a leadership programme based on this small story. It all comes together. Yoga philosophy and leadership development. It will be exciting to see how the participants interpret the story and bring it back to their everyday leadership experiences.

Anchors

How does your text message alert makes you feel? Happy, stressed, curious or neutral? Quite interesting when you think about it as it's one of those every day anchors that we have programmed our mind with. Some of my 'feel good' anchors are triggered by seeing an available black cab in London. Or smelling espresso coffee and freshly squeezed orange juice in a café.

At the moment my text alert is a positive anchor. Yes, I'm waiting for a text message of the happy sort.

Holiday in mind

Send your mind on holiday was the message at tonight's yoga class. Imagine a beautiful and relaxing place, let the mind go there. A way to try to control the mind and leave it be, not to go into any particular thought. Just knowing it's on holiday...And while the mind is on holiday, you can experience yoga the way it is intended. Anything that works to keep the mind chatter at a distacne is good. A side effect of this particular visualisation was the temptation to take the same trip as the mind, which defeats the pupose of being here and now. But still a good exercise.

Ocean waves coming our way

There is a lot of actitvity on the dating scene at the moment. All of a sudden most of my single girlfriends have something going, and some have more than one. And the dating seems to be contagious. After months of calm sea, there are now ripples almost everywhere and in some cases the odd ocean wave.

Without waves there wouldn't be as many species living in the sea. Translation to the dating scene: It's easier to find your next date if you already have one. Or going from an emotional stand still to an emotional movement is harder than going from a ripple of an emotion to an emotional wave.

Sharing dates

The following email made me see a different side to my dating efforts.
From the tee time manager at the golf club:
'Hi P, you played golf with an American guy last week and the third member in your ball would like to get in contact with him. If you don't mind, could you please send the American's contact details to him on the following email address? Kind regards from the Membership Office'

It was pretty clear after the golf round that there wasn't going to be a third date. What I didn't know was that my date and the other player had bonded to the degree that the tee time manager got involved to connect them once more. Glad my dating efforts are useful for something.

The return

The joy when seeing the silhouette of Stockholm as the train slowly approached the station. Coming back after only two days away but the feeling is still the same. As per my normal habit, it was the return from my biweekly unglamorous Gothenburg trip. But this time it was saved by some quality time with Little Miss Happy and her two minis when I decided to stay an extra night to go and see them in their pittoresque cottage on the countryside. Almost twentyfour hours of bonding, talking and walking, lasagna, pancakes and sausages. When the four year old invited me to stay in his room for the night I felt very special. But there was also grown up time. We may lead different lives right now, but that doesn't stop us from having essential conversations to our wine, cheese doodles and sweets.

In a home with two small children there is no need to apologise for being sleepy in the evenings and when we threw in the towel at ten thirty I think it was with a sigh of relief from the sleep deprived Little Miss Happy.

Restaurant browsing

It's that time of the month.

Spent the morning browsing through Squaremeal.co.uk to find out what's hot and what's not. Old favourites from four years or longer ago are still around. Zuma, Hakkasan, Momo, Nobu, Yauatcha and E&O are still on the hot list. There is a reason we named them our favourites and soon they will be as institutionalised as The Wolseley and Scott's. Then we know we are old.

London life - my mirage on the horizon.

Newborn

I've finally taken a huge step in the right direction and all of a sudden I'm in need of new business cards. MD and chair of the board. Or may be I'll stay with something a bit more low key. Yes, a small detail around revenues remains, but that is a future worry. Right now celebration time of the birth of new company. Feels good!

Happy mini-New-Year

One day left until the Summer 2010 is officially over. A new season with new possibilities and the beginning of a new term. Now is the last chance to incorporate those New Year's resolutions.

September is like a mini New Year; the gym is full of people starting their new lives, the newspaper's property section is flooding with objects from people in need of renewing their living situation and the shops are full of 'must haves' for a happier life. School start can take many different shapes.

Are scented erasers still available or are they a past memory defining the school start for people born in the seventies?

Le week-end

If someone asked me to describe a perfect weekend, I think I would use this one as an example. Perhaps with a few sprinkles, but still this would get quite close.

An early Friday evening that started with a run followed by a yoga session. Nothing extreme, but a little something to get work out of the system and give room to a carefree weekend feeling. A quiet but warm night with Beautiful J and Sweetest M.

Kicked off Saturday with a stimulating walk and meaningful conversation with Sweetest M. Our friendship has grown even stronger after a long, memorable summer when we shared both hopes and sorrows. The rest of the day was devoted to the continental part of town and more specifically to some stylish shops stocked up on temptations. And I fell for quite a few of them, mostly Danish. An evening spent with Adorable in the name of culture and class. Premier of a classic play with a modern touch. But really, it was the actor we were after. He didn't disappoint us. A glass of Sancerre in a classy bar accompanied by a long analysis of what constitutes unhelpful dating patterns.

A Sunday morning treat from the next door bakery and then an hour spent with the newspaper. Time to catch up on the phone, time to potter about, time to relax. A run to a new playlist and a long yoga session with Little B. And now getting ready for a Sunday night movie on the telly.

Un week-end parfait. The sprinkles will follow in weekends to come.