Seeing an old friend

After three months of absence, today I decided was the day.

A careful and considerate reunion. Bitter but still sweet.

My first cup of coffee after a break longer than ever before.

Family skiing

It was icy and windy, but still fantastic. There are not that many capitals where you find tracks fifteen minutes from the city centre.

Today's lunch

Contrasts etc.

Turkey

Preparing, cooking and eating turkey pretty much sums up Boxing Day 2012.

Happy Christmas

The Christmas celebrations have started.

Enjoy celebrations

Friday night was the forth time I celebrated my birthday this time around. I love celebrating! A lovely evening with some of my fantastic girlfriends. We make up a great mix actually.

There is Beautiful J with many years of experience from living abroad, touring the world and performing on the big stages. In addition to being my most creative friend we also share many spiritual beliefs. Many are the evenings we have taken advantage of being on slipper distance from each other. A cup of tea, a drink, a take out. Just like that.

There are Lovely L and Adorable, the mothers of two of my three goddaughters.

Lovely L became my friend during the first London years. Many are the times we entered Café Dôme, ordered the special of the evening for less than £10 and went through our week. Her family is a bit like my extra family in Stockholm. Always warm and inclusive. Busy mother of three, she still finds time to prioritise our friendship.

Adorable, who I've travelled with to Paris, New York, Sicily, Courmayeur, Verbier, Copenhagen, Goa and probably some other places. We also shared a few years in London. Probably one of my most honest friends - if I ask I get it, whether it's nice or ugly. Sometimes I get it without asking. So when my living room was crowded with three different couches she was the one who opened my eyes to the fact that it was an interior disaster. She was also the one who said she didn't believe in my previous relationship. Sharp with heart.

There is Little B who became my friend during my last couple of years in London. We hit the shops as if there was no tomorrow. But we also spent many evenings in the (posh) pubs and restaurants dressed up, enjoying every minute of being independent and resourceful. Once back in Stockholm she hasn't just been a dear friend but also an informal guide into the industry we share as our professional base.

An evening in the busy restaurant crowded with Stockholmers who probably celebrated the final day of work before the holidays. An evening filled with conversations where one of the more unusual ones covered how you organise (or don't organise) your personal admin. What do you do with the old credit card slips? For how long do you archive receipts? If you archive anything at all... But we also covered design and fashion, children and schools and many other topics that came to our minds.

For us who still had some energy left, the evening continued to the Posh hotel where we enjoyed a final drink while we admired or dispised the outfits of the other guests. But really, we enjoyed the international flavour provided by the non-Swedes.

So now I have to wait another year for a week of celebrations.

Drink and nailpolish

The warm up before meeting the other girls in the restaurant for the evening.

What will happen tomorrow?

Will the world end tomorrow? That was one of the topics we discussed at the hairdresser's this afternoon. And if so, who cares about my grey hairs and split ends? We concluded that whatever happens, here or on "the other side" you want to look good. So yes, it was worth spending the time and money to get the hair done.

A meeting room is a meeting room

But this meeting room is in London! I know you can't see that, but when lunch is from Pret A Manger and we have Walker's shortbread with our tea, then you get the London vibes.

King's Road on a Sunday morning

Normally, King's Road is full of sloanes. But before 9 am in the morning you are pretty much on your own. A brisk walk to Triyoga and a much needed class which set me off for the rest of the day. On the walk back I was ready to hit the shops once more...

Sloane Square by night

It's like coming home.

Heart London!

Tea and cookie at Starbucks, Kings Road after an hour at Kings Road Sporting Club, i.e. the shop that stocks all yoga outfit brands you may want.

Christmas lights at Regent Street. Followed by shopping at Calvin Klein and COS.



Liberty. Not one of my usual haunts, but the entrance was to welcoming not to enter and their stationery makes you want to write letters and cards to everybody you know.


Carnaby Street, which was still being developed when I first moved to London. The reason I know that is because in my accounting days my favourite client was a property investment company specialising in West End locations and Carnaby Street was one of their hot spots. From a street of nothingness, it's now sparkling and trendy.

My walk went from Carnaby Street towards Covent Garden. By mistake (!) I ended up on Oxford Street for a moment. How this street ever became so popular among tourists beats me. Croweded with people and traffic, all those cheap shops filled with rubbish and fried junk food in every corner. Ugh.

Relief when I got back on track and made it to Covent Garden and St Martin's Courtyard.

And this is just the beginning of my weekend. Did I say I love London?

There was a letter

Well, may be it was an email. A Swedish girl who lives in Shanghai is working on her application to college. She needs support and feedback. I suspect she can't get it from her own family and I guess she doesn't know other adults who she trusts.

Through one of my mentees, the email is addressed to me. I read her two page personal story, which exposes a very different upbringing. Absent parents, lack of human friends (but plenty of animal friends) formed this girl for life, so it seems.

What she is doing in Shanghai, I don't know. Where she wants to go to college, I don't know either. What I do know is that she is desperate to have someone to talk to, who can give her some guidelines. How do you do that when you have no knowledge of who she really is, her values, her personality? I'm preparing one of my more difficult coaching sessions. A gentle approach filled with questions to try to give this girl something that will hopefully help her to take the next step in her life.

Humbleness and modesty.

Traditions

Traditions provide security and a sense of belonging. Something we do year after year, inherited from previous generations and something we would like to introduce to the new family we create. A way to honour those who came before us, a way to define our family values.

But there is also the flipside. Traditions filled with expectations and demands. Traditions with restrictions - do this but not that. Something is right and something else is wrong. If you don't follow the tradition, you are different and different is hard if you want to belong.

So why not pick what you like, enjoy what is and leave the expectations outside the equation? The season ahead of us is filled with musts and have tos. Or you can decide that this year is the year when you will put all of that aside and just go with your own flow.

This applies to any old tradition, including yoga. This was the theme on Tuesday and it continues to be the theme today.

So when I, according to tradition in my family, put on the telly this morning to see the Lucia celebration from one of the city churches I was reminded of my own sense of right and wrong. All of a sudden during the Lucia procession, there is a rapper who interrupts the beautiful song from the choir. That's how I interpret it. For a short moment I thought it was a mistake. For younger generations? It's probably a welcome ingredient which connects old with new, something that they can relate to perhaps more than the songs that have been sung since the nineteenth century.

Conclusion? Have courage to make the tradition your own. Sometimes breaking with tradition could be a good thing.

Wild animals times twenty

I ordered one copy for my youngest nephew. But I ended up with twenty. No, they didn't charge me. So I guess I will be handing out picture books to every zero to two year old I know. If I know that many...?

The second advent

The weekend has been flavoured with Christmas throughout.

Mulled wine, Christmas tea and saffron buns with Charming J as I got one of her spontaneous texts, suggesting to meet up on Saturday afternoon. As always lovely to see her and we managed a soft catch up in between Christmas shopping and Christmas concert.
 
Pizza (OK, there was nothing christmassy with the pizza) with my six year old goddaughter T and Lovely L. T is now the age when she will most likely remember the things we do so we better start doing things worth remembering. The dinner was a prelude to a Christmas concert by the female choir who has the honour of having my sister as one of the soprano voices. It was a full on lucia procession and the traditional Christmas songs, including some of my British favourites. Top score in all categories. T's sharp observations amuzed both Lovely L and I. I can see that we will have a lot of fun as she continues growing up.

A Sunday spent outdoors in a beautiful snowy city, walking to the Grand Hôtel for a treat from someone who once had a direct access to my heart. Although the treat was perfect, there was something not quite right. I was brought back to something that no longer is; circumstances which were real when the gift was given to me. I was left with a sadness from dreams I believed in that were brutally crushed.

I left the Grand Hôtel and the busy lounge filled with Nobel guests and without a particular plan I strolled between Christmas lights and shop windows filled with Santas. A call from Adorable and ten minutes later we met up in the posh department store. A big advantage of Stockholm. Nothing is very far away. We spent the next hour discussing life questions as we zigzagged between glassware and toys. For people around us we were probably out Christmas shopping. But for us, the shopping was secondary. Like popcorn at the cinema. You don't go to the cinema to eat popcorn, but they are a welcome side dish to the film. 

The Christmas activities continued as I had a rendez-vous with a couple of girls at the most classical coffee shop in my neighbourhood.

So what would be a good way to wrap up the weekend, without changing the flavour? A classical movie like "Breakfast at Tiffany's" or "Doctor Zhivago" perhaps...

How old do you think I am?

I have heard it happening to others but I can't remember it ever happening to me. Not for fifteen years at least. But yesterday it was my turn. To show my driving licence to prove I'm old enough to buy wine at the state run alcohol shop. I have almost forgotten what age would be underage.

Even though my order included cooking wine (who buys cooking wine when you are nineteen or twenty?), the young man at the counter thought I might be trying something. It was with a big smile and "of course you can see my driving licence" that I proved that his suspicion was unfounded.

If the young man at the counter made my day, which was otherwise pretty disappointing, Beautiful J made my evening. We met at the corner of our two streets already at five o'clock. Then we decided to spend the evening at our local pub. Yes, there is a proper English pub around the corner from where we live. It was crowded as it should be. We managed three pints of lager each and talked, talked, talked. Much has happened in the last couple of months and we were both eager to fill the gaps and let the other person in on our deepest thoughts.

Unused to the amount of beer, my head is heavy today. But my mind is light and that's what matters more.

Learn from Buddha and the regrets of the dying

A man came shouting angrily at Buddha, who remained unaffected by him. When questioned by others as to how he remained calm and unaffected, Buddha answered with a question:

"If someone gives you a gift and you choose not to receive it, to whom does the gift belong?"

Of course it stays with the giver.
---
I'm reading "The top five regrets of the dying" by Bronnie Ware. Yes, perhaps it sounds morbid and grim, but there is plenty to learn from people who have gone through life and wish to pass on their wisdom without any ulterior motive.

Regret number 1: I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

Adorable, snow and meatballs

Celebrating and socialising over breakfast is underrated. A perfect set up for relaxed conversations as there is a continuous flow of food and people moving between the delicious breakfast buffet, the table and the couch. And the thing with breakfast is that there is always room for a little bit more, so it can go on for hours. Adorable birthday girl treated us to breakfast de luxe and some of us would have stayed for the rest of the day had it been an option.

But as it was, we eventually made a move and were all exposed to Stockhom by winter. Big time. The public services went down one after another as the snow kept coming. The city is now covered by soft cotton, the traffic moves very slowly and the streets are unusually quiet as most people sit still indoors if they can.



So what do you do when your are snowed-in? Well, work is always an option. But even the mobile and the emails seemed affected by the weather conditions and it's been a very quiet day. So plenty of time to make meatballs, my contribution to the family Christmas buffet.



The snow inspires further Christmas activities. May be it's time to open a bottle of mulled wine and get those Santas out from storage...

Back to school

Literally. My old college. The reason for my return was a lecture by a boardmember who sits on the board of my major client. His lecture was about career choices mixed with some theory on capital markets and what it means to sit on a board. He openly explained that his motivation to work hard had been money. A lot of money. But once he had the money he realised the money was a mean to freedom, to own his time. And so he stopped working in the traditional sense.

"The more money you have the less it means. The less time you have, the more precious it becomes."

So after a successful career he stepped off the ladder, started to coach girls in basketball and signed up for various courses, like philosophy, at the University.

The message to the teenagers who were at their second or third year was clear. Find out what drives you; your inner motivation. And whatever you do, study hard!

Marni spring 2013

The snow has just arrived so spring is far away. But a girl can dream. 

Happiness in a box

More specifically, in a DVD box. The second series of a Danish crime drama is now in my possession.

The Bolognese is cooking on the stove. The icecream is waiting in the freezer. The red wine is already in the glass... All the ingredients for a night in. Well, almost.

Productive?

Depends on which KPI we are following.

Supplement to previous post

I had to throw in some picture evidence of my busy teacup. While I've been writing, the rain outside has changed into snow. I'm enjoying my day in even more. Time to top up that tea!

Remember to be grateful

In my past life (read: as an employed), I remember waking up on dark, wet mornings thinking that I would do anything to be able to stay in. To not have to get ready, to just have a day for myself at home, drinking tea, pottering, listening to radio. Just being really.

Guess what? Today is that day.

I woke up this morning, without the alarm, knowing that I could have gone back to sleep if I wanted to. The rain hammered on the windows and it was still dark outside. A calendar with no meetings, no musts. So I decided to give myself a day off.

My new teacup has a busy day as I keep filling it with different flavoured teas. My pottering activities have so far consisted of going through the Christmas presents I have started to buy for my lovely god children, nieces and nephews, getting the Christmas decorations from the basement storage, reading magazines, listening to favourite podcasts. All while the mobile phone stays silent and the emails only drop in occasionally.

As the rain keeps pouring down, the rest of the day will also be spent indoors doing some or all of the following activities:

• Finding new music on Spotify. After I have activated a Spotify account.
• Making chocolate biscuits. Only if I don't have to go outside for any of the ingredients.
• Some washing, cleaning and ironing. Not because I have to, but because it's a treat to be surrounded by that fresh smell and feeling.
• Yoga in front of the fireplace.

Does this sound too good to be true? Well, that's why I have to write it down.

Because there will be a day when this is far from reality. There will be a day when I want to be able to remind myself that there was I time when I had the choice. So that I can feel grateful for what I had on days when staying in bed is not an option, when making chocolate biscuits on a weekday would never make it to the list-of-things-to-do-when-having-time-off and when sitting on the couch with magazines and a cup of tea, without anyone or anything demanding my attention, feels like a surreal dream.

Believe me when I say that I'm grateful. Today I think I have drawn the longest straw.

Coming up...

London!

Only a couple of weeks to go. The plans are as follows:

Friday:

• Arrival at sweet B&B in Belgravia around lunch time. With Kings Road around the corner, that's probably where I will start. Or may be Harvey Nichols...
• Pre-afterwork drinks with special friend from the past. We meet up about once a year, but we can still rely on the foundation we built as teenagers. 
• Afterwork drinks, alias the pub. Meeting up with the old gang who I used to work with, designing and implementing training programmes around the globe. The demanding boss stopped working a few years ago and the girl who never wanted to have children is now pregnant. So there are some changes to what used to be. I don't expect the alcohol intake to have changed though.
• Instead of the local Indian which would normally follow an evening in the pub, we decided to book a table at the same Belgravia pub.

Saturday:

• Shopping continued. High Street Kensington and Westbourne Grove.
• Meeting up with my English family for lunch and cocktails in Wimbledon. Just like in olden days.  
• Afternoon moves into evening and more food and wine, all in the same lovely company.

Sunday:

• Yoga at Triyoga in Chelsea, a lovely place on Kings Road.
• Brunch at Kings Road, possibly at le Pain Quotidien.
• An afternoon filled with possibilities. Cinema, museum or just people watching. Early night.

Monday:

• Working with my favourite consultant, preparing for leadership programme starting in January. 
• Dinner at the Seafood Bar at Heathrow before flying back to Stockholm.

Quote from guess who?

"Later that day I got to thinking about fairytales. What if Prince Charming had never showed up? Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever? Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, a healthcare package and a baby from her local sperm bank?"

May be a new business idea? To write alternative endings to the classical fairytales and mirror a more modern society. That may get the girls at nursery to alter their princess games. 

Compensating

A day without light... Tips to keep your mood up:
1. Buy a new teacup (I admit, I've been influenced by the blogosphere to go for this one)
2. Treat yourself to a couple of saffron buns (it's OK to have more than one)
3. Listen to Swedish schlager music (whatever you do, stay away from any kind of melancholy tunes)
4. Stay in, do your work from the couch if you can (nobody needs to know that's where you are)

This seems to be working for me. With the exception of a trip to the city center to deliver a yoga session (and to buy a new teacup!), I haven't left my flat. I move from one couch to another, switching between emails, reading of much neglected leadership literature and prepping of new classes.

OK, one more exception as I also left the couch for the kitchen to cook the starter for tomorrow's girls' dinner party. Two courses done, one to go. Looking forward to a Friday evening high on energy and filled with conversations stretching from politics (very little), job hunting (probably more), men hunting (may be some), waxing (we always seem to end up here at some point during the evening) and much more.

Safe to book...

The bankruptcy threat is over. For this time. SAS is still flying and may be it is safe to bet that they will survive until March 2013? We are planning a repeat holiday to Austria. Why change a winning concept?

It's not always what it sounds like

It's 3D!

Saturday with my nephew

I'm looking forward to be enchanted by the world of Walt Disney. A perfect activity for Auntie and second youngest nephew when it's grey and wet outside. Together we will get absorbed by TinkerBell and the Secret of the Wings. The Saturday continues with homemade pizza and sleepover. And of course "lördagsgodis". 

Happy Friday

Quotes from today

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow know what you want.

You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backwards.

Steve Jobs, Stanford University 2005

Your legacy

If you were writing your speech for your fifties birthday party, what would you want it to say?

We introduced the exercise by showing the famous Stanford address by Steve Jobs, followed by a brief summary of the top regrets of the dying recorded by an Australian palliative nurse.

Then we sent our participants out on a walk in the park to reflect on their dreams and hopes. To consider their legacy.

Big impact.

Tomorrow's intro

Breathe out what you no longer need, what you are ready to let go of. Create space and give room for what you want more of. Now breathe in what you want to fill that space with.

Every exhalation is an reminder to let go of what is no longer needed. Every inhalation can be used to fill your body with what you want more of.

Exhale stress, bad mood, tiredness. Inhale energy, light, happiness.

A small exercise to connect breath, body and mind. To be used tomorrow morning.

Who is happy?

The evening was planned months ago. Dinner with the girls from 'the olden days'. Some of them I haven't seen for years. Six of us around a table. Where do you start? I suggested doing the round, just like a New Year's Eve round. Tell us about your life, good and bad, and let us know if you are happy.

Six very different lives were described, but I think everybody finished their resume with "but it's all good now, I'm happy!". Stressed out parenthoods, disillusioned careers, dysfunctional relationships, child disabilities, stretched finances. But also new business ideas, big families, pretty homes, hope and love.

Two of the girls are still close to me, even if we don't see each other more than a couple of times per year. We connect and the conversation is unambiguous and purposeful.

The other girls have drifted further and further away and I wonder how true their "but it's all good now, I'm happy!" really is. Or may be it is. May be it's just me having a hard time visualising myself being happy in their situation and therefore I struggle to understand how they can possibly be honest when they say they are. They could of course be in denial. Or faced by the peer pressure.

It was a sweet evening, moderate in drinking and wrapped up before eleven. Quite different from our evenings out twenty years ago.

Today's achievement

One step closer to Christmas.

The colour of the season

What is the impact of seeing pumpkins everywhere? Or is it a coincidence that I went for orange gloves?

Come Christmas and it's time for the red dress. Of course.

Pain

It's easier to accept pain when you know it's good for you. If you believe there is pain that can be good. I believe a really good massage, like a deep connective tissue massage, involves healthy pain. The release that follows is worth the agony. Deep breathing and a determined mind convince the body that it's OK not to fight-or-flight.

The effect of this morning's massage is still working through my muscles, just like she said it would. So tonight I'm leaving the body to its own devices, working along, while I'm planning on catching up on a number of episodes of Homeland. I'm addicted.

Being true to who you are

He told me that he was thinking of jumping in front of the train. A thought that passed through his head; the easy way out. Then it would be over and he wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

This is someone I admire for his integrity, honesty, intellectual and creativity. He is one of those amazing people who in the right context could be anything he like. But he is stuck. Either in the passed or in the illusion of the present. That is something he is trying to figure out. Meanwhile he is hurting. Sometimes he convinces himself that all is good. He steps back into the illusion. Just to realise it's not for him.

It strikes me that so many people are probably living in an illusion. Suppressed feelings working to get some attention, to get you on the right track. But restricted by fear, the suppression continues. All the energy is spent suppressing. All the focus is on doing rather than being. The more you engage the mind in activity, the harder it is to hear the signals from deep within. There will be a day when the signals can't be neglected anymore. 

Not my words

From three very different sources.

I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had. 

Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again?

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. 

The heart hallucinates and your vision becomes blurred. Eventually, there comes a time when you see things as they are and eventually old scars will heal. It's time to surrender and return to the path that was meant to be.

Advertising

Personal favourites: Laura Mercier's lipgloss, Clinique's mascara and Redken's conditioner. Sometimes a little extravaganza makes a rainy day and a heavy heart a little bit lighter.

Mentorship kick off

Tonight's activity: facilitation of the kick off of a mentorship programme.

Potpourri from le weekend

In no specific order:
Quadratus lomborum, i.e. the lower back, works too hard when gluteus medius and maximus (nice names for the buttocks) are a sleep. Which they are most of the time for anyone with a desk job. A few tricks with a tennis ball and the situation can be much improved. So a new must have in the handbag, on the office desk or at least in the yoga tool box is a set of tennis balls.

You can't give something away that you don't have. And you can't expect to receive something from somebody that they don't possess.

Accept change gracefully, even if it means inviting another star to sing your hit song while you are the back up singer.

Don't cry somebody else's tears. It won't help them and it definitely won't help you.

Sometimes you need a little guidance to your subconscious mind, your friend who speaks from a different place in a language understood only by you.

Cold season started

Pretty but early. This is not the reason why I live in Sweden.

Leadership yoga

Turning a conference center into a yoga room.

Leaves and life experiences

Beautiful J said: "On your walk, relax, study the leaves on the trees. No leaf looks exactly like another. Now imagine that every leaf is a life experience to be had." 

Then I came to a field of gold. Experiences of gold waiting to be found. 

Ending a relationship

Two weeks of weaning. A relationship that started ages ago. Slow at the beginning but got quite serious after a few years. That's when we hit it off.

My relationship with coffee is on a break. Someone challenged me and I realised I've never stopped my coffee intake. Except during times of an odd tummy bug, but otherwise I've provided my body with caffeine for the last twenty plus years.

So how long does it take before you stop thinking about the lovely taste of a perfectly made latte? I'm still to find out. Although my body is probably free from caffeine, my mind isn't free from the longing of everything that comes with that latte. It's so much more than caffeine. Somehow a cup of tea doesn't provide the same experience.

We'll see for how long this break will last. It's a proven fact that it takes twenty one days to create a new habit. The question is if I want a coffee-free life.

May be you have to accept a little toxicity in your relationship. May be you can add some milk to make it smoother. In the end of the day, it's about being true to yourself and accept that nothing is perfect. Not even a great coffee. 

A cup of tea, a cup of wisdom

One more reason to practice yoga?

The new mailman

As opposed to the old mailman, the new mailman can also deliver feelings and reactions. The new mailman is loaded through telepathy; it's a quick and painless process. Just snap your fingers and your feelings and reactions will be transferred and the process is started. Should you wish to do so, you can also change receiver or feelings half way through. It could be that your feelings change when you have downloaded them to the mailman and that the receiver is therefore less served by the mail you first intended to transfer.

From an exercise in creative writing or was it the function of the brain?  Five years ago I wrote this little piece which was a given task (which I can't remember in detail) to provide an example of how the brain's association works. I remember the exercise being timed, and I remember being surprised by the result of my writing.

Going through old diaries and notebooks, this is what can be found. Among pages after pages filled with exhaustive self analysis, questions, feelings and decisions. It's like talking to a younger version of yourself, realising some things don't change.

Missing my friend

The trial shut down proved I wasn't really ready to let go of this format. But it was a good way of realising what I was missing. My daily reflection of what to write (and what not to write). The play with words. The settling (and sometimes unsettling) feeling of being read. A place to store random thoughts and pictures from life as it is on a certain day. A way of meeting myself.

So we are back for a while. 

Time to pack up?

There is an end to everything. May be also this blog. May be it is time to close this to open something else. Three years of writing, three years of selected observations from my life, from where I was right there and then. Which is not where I am here and now. But it's part of my history forming who I have grown to be. And it will continue. But may be it is time to take the writing elsewhere, just as I intended to when I first started in this format. May be it is time to share my observations in another shape.

Sometimes my observations have been cherry-picks. When there is too much going on at different levels I have given room to something completely different on my blog. Sometimes to give myself a break, a momentary escape, to rest the mind.

Sometimes my observations have been in the moment expressions of a feeling that goes through me right there.

Sometimes my observations have been a play with language, an advice to myself, a note to remember. 

Above all, they are mine but by no means all of me.

So if I were to read them all, ask myself if this is the majority of my life in the last three years, I will know what is not there. May be because I didn't want to share it in a blog, or may be I couldn't share it when I was still processing.

Either way, it's time to decide where to next. So very soon, this blog will be closed.

Labyrinth

Somebody said that life is a labyrinth. You have to get lost a few times before you find your way. He (yes, I think it was a man; I actually think it was Buddha) didn't say how many times you have to get lost before you get on the right track. But may be that's where karma comes in.

The path I'm on right now is a bit dark and lonely and I do feel I have tried quite a few different ones. When you look at the labyrinth from above, it's so easy to see which way to turn. When you are in the middle of it however, it's a completely different story.

Coming soon - The Kate Moss Book

Read about the evolution from new girl with potential to one of the most iconic models of all time. Or just look at the timeless fashion photos.

The working week

Since I became self employed I have aimed to establish a weekly rhythm to become more efficient and to have days without meetings.

Monday is completely dedicated to (traditional) work. In my world that means a full day in an office, at least four or five meetings, producing documents, answering emails, being available.

Tuesday is a back up for Monday. There are weeks when Tuesdays are very similar to Mondays, but usually with a different client and usually that means delivery of some sort. The other difference is of course the early start as I teach yoga every Tuesday morning. Also part of my job.

Wednesday is kept away from my largest client, dedicated to business development, new opportunities and networking. If I had coaching clients (which I don't at the moment), this would also be the perfect day to coach.

Thursday is a day when I aim to work from home for half of the day. Often a good day to design and develop something creative (workshops, meetings, training programmes). Also a good day for writing and reading. No lunch meeting as I teach another yoga class at that time.

Friday is my day. Very rarely do I have any meetings on this day. The whole idea is to keep it as open as possible. To allow time to attend a class somewhere. To prepare next week's yoga classes. To may be treat myself to a massage. This is when new ideas start to grow. It's like the brain needs some space for them to surface. Fridays are very much a day to wind down, to enter weekend mood.

It doesn't always work out. But if I can, I know that this is a rhythm that gives room to all parts of my life. Forty hours per week in the same office with the same people just doesn't appeal to me. May be I work less than I used to in number of hours. But I'm pretty sure those hours are much more efficient and productive.

What was I thinking?

The idea of a PT for a while seemed like a good idea when I decided to sign up for a number of sessions. Here I am. Dreading the hour of torture starting in five minutes. I'm even paying for it. Imagine sittning in a café with a latte and the morning paper.

Standing in

Things you can do on a Tuesday with a sweet five-year-old: have a sushi takeout, try on wigs and watch a number of Smurf episodes on the DVD in bed. And it's perfectly alright to go to bed early together; no shoulds or musts waiting.

The book everybody is talking about

Apparently it has sold over forty million copies worldwide. Time to find out what the buzz is all about. I'm one chapter into Fifty shades of grey. Literature student Anastasia Steele has just interviewed entrepreneur Christian Grey. The excitement is already building up.

Awake and ready for action

After an hour's walk a pair of big blue eyes are looking at me with curious expectations. Time to find out what's going on outside the buggy.

Sporty baby!

Guess what I'm doing?

Those eyes, filled with...?

At the hairdresser's, waiting for the return of my natural haircolour. Little dog is also waiting. For the piece of chocolate that I'm holding in my hand.

Permission to grunt

I'm always surprised by the volume in the gym, especially in the corner of free weights. I'm not referring to the music but to the people using the weights. Why not work in silence and focus on the breath? Why the loud grunting? Is it a reflection of a need to emphasise how hard they are working and a call for attention? Surely that must be the case as the sound effects are much exaggerated.

So I thought. Until this morning when I had my premier with a PT. We were not even close to the free weights corner; it was all about functional training. But now I realise that the grunting can sometimes not be controlled. You live and learn. 

Old become new

It's time to remove the summer clothes from the wardrobe and make space for jackets, polo necks and knitted dresses. About once every second year I also go through the box with "parked clothes"; a box with clothes waiting for a decision to be made. When they move from wardrobe to the parking box, I'm ususally fed up wearing them but I'm still not sure if I'm ready to say goodbye. Seeing them again after a long break it is either a "no no" and off they go to the charity store. Or it is a like a meeting an old friend that you really like and want to start seeing again. This time I found a couple of old friends. Like the three quarters trousers from Banana Republic. I still remember when I bought them in NY. Long time ago...

Monday morning at the central station

All those people. Empty eyes making their way through the crowd of fellow commuters, clearly on autopilot. Imagine having to do this five days out of seven. As it is, I'm just a guest who knows my home is elsewhere.

Something from my Sunday reading...

Anger is energy. Energy cannot be destroyed: it can only be transformed.

Yoga International, Autumn 2012

Facebook style

Completely rested after a long, deep sleep; still in bed with a magazine and a cup of tea. Soon breakfast with fresh bread from the bakery. A Sunday full of possibilities ahead, but without any stress. The rain is tapping on the roof and window, which is a good reason to stay in bed a little bit longer. Other than that, silence and harmony.

How provoking isn't that for the stressed out mother who had a bad night's sleep from being woken up ten times? Now she is in the kitchen cleaning up last night's dishes while the children are watching the telly, demanding attention and breakfast. If there is a husband, he is nowhere to be seen this morning as he is still in bed curing a hangover from a night out with the boys. The Sunday will then be spent driving the children around to parties, football and gymnastics.  Back home, it's time to get ready for the coming week. Laundry, packed lunches for excursion day and homework.  Finally, the children are off to bed and she can pick up her laptop to do some work as she is miles behind on the project with a deadline coming up next week.

The picture that everything is perfect is what we see on Facebook. That's where people go to the gym at lunch time, have candlelight dinners with seafood from the foodmarket, drink chilled white wine and meet friends in relaxing settings. The perfect coffee, the successful deal, the pretty shoes, the sunny afternoon, the refreshing walk, the great restaurant, the trendy bar, the romantic date, the happy children. It never stops. We all know this is a small fraction of reality, but somehow all these fractions add up to a desireable lifestyle.

Just like photoshopping. Erase the bad nights' sleep and the children fighting. Emphasise the sunshine, the glamour and the healthy living. Why not? If it makes us happier. But if it creates unrealistic expectations and makes us discontent with our own lives, may be it's time to log off from Facebook for a while. And perhaps log off from some of those "Facebook-style-blogs" too...

Saturday in pictures

Walk, museum and lunch followed by an afternoon on the couch with magazines and tea in front of the fireplace. A Saturday filled with relaxation and a feeling of being a tourist in my hometown.