Is there a plumber who can fix energy leakage?

Another weekend totally spent on recovering from a draining week. Now, Sunday late afternoon, I'm slowly getting ready to start a weekend where I would actually enjoy going outside of my flat.

Yesterday was spent indoors in complete isolation with the exception of Little B passing by with favourite sushi. I didn't even have enough energy to watch crap TV (may be not a loss) but fell asleep nine o'clock with my book next to me.

I apoligise to those around me. This is not who I want to be, this is not me. I'm meant to be full of energy, I'm interested in listening and being there. I want to do things, meet up in cafés and restaurants, windowshop, go for walks. I don't want to spend weekends in isolation in an attempt to fix the energy leakage just in time for another week of work.

This is not the way it is supposed to be.

The power of reflection

A day for reflection. Something I tell everybody else to do. Something that is vital for learning and should be part of every project close. But something that is rarely done. If it's done we call it a debrief, book a meeting room in the office, put up a flipchart and take an hour to make two lists: what went well and what do we need to improve for the next time.

That is not really the same thing as allowing space for reactions and thoughts to come and go in a free flow. That takes time. And it requires a break from more information and a restricted structure. Real quality reflection is definitely not possible in the office environment.

So that is what I've been practicing today. Not just to practice what I preach but because it works, it's calming and it's vital.

The end

Time to say good bye.

The final module, the conclusion, the big wrap up and the celebrate of success.

Today was the last time I met with the group of leaders I've been training for almost a year together with my favourite consultant alias coach.

There is a mix of feelings. I'm relieved, proud, sad, convinced, inspired, happy and a little bit protective. I really want the best for all of them.

The biggest victory is that I think we have made a difference. It's amazing to sit on the first row and have the pleasure of seeing people develop.

Call from the future?

Someone must have picked up my 'don't-enjoy-my-job' signals.

Today I had a call from a headhunter and I was just about to deliver my usual line 'thank you for calling but we already have ongoing collaborations with the recruitment consultants we need and we are not looking for another one' and then hang up when the junior (he sounded young) consultant managed to come out with 'something something...your name came up...something...HR director for a professional services company...'.

And he got my attention.

Conclusion: I'm going for a meeting with Mr Responsible for the Recruitment next week.

Power moment

The unglamorous trip wasn't just bad. I run into old friend K from school at the check-in counter. We hardly speak at all nowadays, let alone meet up. But I still remember her birthday. And the telephone number to her parents.

We had a power moment of 15 minutes in the business lounge (at the otherwise not very glamorous airport as I don't think there is a glamorous airport anywhere in Sweden) and managed to exchange important facts around men (or rather no men), work and mutual friends.

There is something special with old friends and I believe the connection lasts a lifetime even if your paths take different turns.

If I hadn't had to go on my unglamorous trip I may not have seen her for another eighteen months which is the last time we met up...

Today in numbers

Energy vampires: 3
Unglamorous trips: 1
Stressful hours: 6
Calls from people trying to sell me something: 2
Glasses of wine: 0

There is still time to opt up the numbers - especially the zero once I get to the hotel which is the unglamorous end station of the unglamorous trip.

But overall it feels pretty much like a day in transit to something else.

The art of acceptance

Little B reminded me of one of the corner stones in yoga:
Everything is exactly the way it should be.
Acceptance of what is. No escaping, fighting or hiding.

Having a tough week and feeling drained is OK. The lows make the highs even higher.

Almost restored just in time to get back to work. Recipe (in addition to tulips and cream buns):

• afternoon napping
• mother nature on skis and skates
  
• girl talk and girl giggle
  

And finally, yin yoga with favourite teacher. I'm addicted.

First impression by email

Arthur Schpenhaure, a German philosopher, said:
"To find out your real opinion of someone, judge the impression you have when you first see a letter from them."

Translated to modern life where IRL is a rarity and communcation is preferably done in any other way than in a physical meeting, I think the opposite is more relevant:
"To find out your real opinion of someone, judge the impression you have from the email when you first meet them."

The amount of information you get in an email from someone you don't know is so much more than the sender probably intended.

On top of the minus list the following very common characteristics are found:

• Spelling mistakes
  Laziness or pure ignorance? Equally bad
• Excessive use of either exclamation marks or dot dot dot...
  Complete lack of wittiness
• Ending message to someone you don't know with "love" or "hugs"
  Don't think so
  

If an IRL meeting helps? Don't know, I'm too put off by bullet point number one to even get there. But I guess there is always the possibility that the writer in question is dyslectic and that I'm missing out on a great person for the wrong reason.

Band aid for low energy syndrome

Escape, hide and recharge

I feel like a dishcloth. Not one of the trendy, designed dishcloths for happier weekdays and funnier cleaning, but a rather old one, worn out and incapable of doing much else than just lying there for no good.

I have met too many energy vampires this week and now I'm in hiding to recharge my flat batteries. Hot (hopefully) bath, tea, favourite chocolate and then off to bed.

That's my "Friday coze".

Relativity

If my biggest disappointment today was the luke warm water from a possibly broken boiler when I was hoping for a hot bath, then I suppose I shouldn't complain.

It's easy to get lost in your own bubble where the not-happening hot bath is a significant letdown compared to everything else that is happening that day. Until you open your eyes and observe life in the bigger sense.

Everything is relative.

Even so, I'm not sure the argument starving children in Africa increases the appetite for anyone to finish what's on the plate and on top of that feel good about it.

No rule without exceptions.

Aim for the sky and reach the ceiling

Well, now I have reached the ceiling and it's time to get out. It's time for something new.

If my life journey was following a road then I'm approaching the crossroads. I think I have been here before but then I was driving so fast I didn't even notice it. Lucky I wasn't run over. This time I know I will see it, stop, change gear and take a different turn.

Faith. I know something new is just around the corner.

SMART

Fed up with hearing my own voice. Sore feet from having stood up for most of the day (in a new pair of shoes. And yes, heels are high). And too much coffee and too much of anything that comes with the coffee.

It's busy season for training delivery.

Training in how to make the most out of the annual appraisal meeting. And how to set the perfect objectives for the year to come. It should be Stretched, Measurable, Accepted, Realistic and Timely. Sounds so simple, yet it's proving to be quite difficult in reality. Why is that? May be because we are not very good at setting objectives full stop. When was the last time you set a personal objective that was SMART (oh yes, that's what we are striving for here)?

I'm prepared to be challenged on mine in a couple of weeks' time. That's what I use my coach for. Among other things of course.

Restorative Sunday

I don't think a Sunday could be more restorative. A mini-holiday in the middle of January. That's my Sunday and I will make sure I remember the feeling of total relaxation the day my life situation changes and I'm running after snotty toddlers who need nappy changing.

Two hours of quiet skating before the run on the lake was crowded by families and all sorts of equipment. Lunch in rustique resto with sister and co, one step ahead of the families with all sorts of equipment who just arrived when we left.

Back home to a day full of 'me-activities'. Long hot bath, SQUIRTing* with a cup of tea in front of the fireplace followed by creative water colour experiments and to conclude the day a class of yin yoga.

There are disadvantages of being on my own, but this is not one of them.

*SQUIRT = Silent Quiet Uninterrupted Reading Time

Copy but not paste - water colour workshop

For the brave and warm-blooded

Private lesson

Yesterday I spent fortyfive minutes on the phone with my no longer prefered bank's IT support.

The longer we spoke the more obvious it became that my problem had nothing to do with the bank's security system or the set up of my account. And the longer we spoke the more I revealed my still limited skills when it comes to Mac.

I love my Mac, I really do, but I'm still not 'macified' when it comes to navigation. So I got a private lesson in Mac functionality from the bank's IT support. It was great! If picking a bank was only down to IT support this would most certainly be my prefered bank.

In the end I had to admit to the hard working IT guy that there was a slight possibility that the issue was something else (?) that perhaps wasn't his problem to fix... And we hang up.

The issue? Well, two minutes later Adorable gave me the simple solution: the pin code should be six and not four digits. And that was that.

Premier 2010 for crosscountry skiing

Friend from back then

When I was sixteen I made a lie that I'm still ashamed of.

I played hookey with two of my girlfriends and went to the Posh suburb next to our Poshposh suburb to visit our younger friend E at her school. How cool we felt when we drifted in. We were full of attitude à la "we are better looking than you... well, at least we are older".

We felt adventurous and adult. Until we got back to our school and had to explain why we hadn't been in class for the last couple of hours.

I, who was always the good girl with the good grades, easily told the worst lie in the face of our business administration teacher: "We have been to a funeral in Posh suburb. Our friend has passed way." I even think I blushed from the emotional lie, and may be there was a hint of a tear in my eye.

It was lying overkill big time...

Somehow, without any reason, I lost contact with younger friend E. May be when I started working. And I haven't heard from her or of her until today! She run into my parents at some company event and all cred to her for remembering and recognising.

A message on Facebook and the link is resumed!

Transforming with Rosen

Honey with milk. A warm summer wind. A father's assuring words 'everything is going to be alright'. A dog sleeping on your feet. Watching the fire and the feeling of cold hands warming up.

Rosen method body work feels a bit like having a spoonful to taste of each.

I went with an open mind and a curious spirit. It was a new experience having somebody caressing me with a gentle, direct touch. Hands that listen rather than manipulate. The result may be anything from relaxation to unconscious feelings, attitudes and memories emerging.

Marion Rosen, today over ninety I believe, physical therapist and health educator by background, developed this method. It's said to result in lessening of pain and tension and an increase in vitality and aliveness. They also say that many individuals experience a new sense of clarity about their life direction and goals.

And Marion Rosen herself says that "This work is about transformation - from the person we think we are to the person we really are."

Couldn't not try this!

Climbing the right ladder

Synchronicity, a meaningful coincidence of two or more events, where something other than probability of chance is involved. That is Jung's definition. Not bad.

Old me would just dismiss it - there is always a scientific explanation to everything. New me is different.

These are the kind of discussions I have with my coach. He is doing a similar journey. My question today: how come not everybody is on this journey?

Too many people are sleepwalking through life. Or they climb the ladder very fast, it's just that it's the wrong ladder...

Bambi on ice

2010 premier for the skates. Bambi on ice is probably the best way to describe how I felt. But I'm getting there.

We tried three different runs. That is if you count the "technical training" we did in the icerink, at the risk of being run over by 7 year olds armed with hockey clubs.

All set for a tour in the archipelago next weekend if the conditions are right. What a healthy life!

Jaws of life and Adorable

The theme for our dinner conversation really was BIG.

Adorable's mission was to break into the storage where the skis and skates have been hiding for the last two years waiting for the key to the locker to appear. No key, but apparently you can rent tools per day and this BIG and beautiful jaws of life can be yours for 24 hours for SEK100 only; bargain!

What was hilarious was that the very same morning a note was posted in the entrance warning residents about burgulars in the basement and watch your valuables in your storage...

Perfect timing for the mission and we had a creative conversation about how Adorable would sneak into the storage area with the jaws of life, meeting one of the members in the residents' committee.

Learning: If your are struggling to get the dinner conversation going, why not bring a BIG tool to your date as an emergency icebreaker.

BIG Friday

Friday night part one: blind date at bar. Conclusion: when you start talking about the wallpaper in the restaurant you know something is missing. We didn't exchange telephone numbers.

Friday night part two: dinner with Cool P, Adorable and Sweetest M, later joined by Cool Ps crowd. Conclusion:

• Perfect restaurant.
  With mezzes you don't really know how much you eat because the seperate dishes are tiny.
  
• As always, great conversations.
  We stayed away (well, not entirely, but almost) from discussing waxing and the theme of dinner converstaion was BIG, primarily in the shape of Cool Ps lover. Everything about him just radiates Mr BIG. Which should mean that it will take about three runs before he is properly house-trained. But once broken, he will be a keeper. Question right now is of course if he is worth the trouble and if he is good enough for Cool P.
  
• Lots of laughing
  Evidently loud enough for the table next to us to move to a more quiet area after having sent us the evil eye without any impact.
  
• Energy level at the end of the evening: very high!
  

Bar after work

Very quiet, what am I doing here??

Talking to my conscience

Outside: minus fifteen; inside: probably close to plus thirty thanks to the firelog (or city wood as our neighbours in country call it).

Cinnamon tea and sponge cake in front of the fireplace, accompanied by Synchronicity and the Inner Path of Leadership, the latest of the three leadership books I've ploughed through this Christmas.

Does this count as work? The topic is certainly relevant for my role and should it not be work just because I happen to enjoy it (tea, cake and firelog obviously help)?

I'm arguing with my conscience, but somehow think that commitment should be rewarded! A reasonable compromise??

Icy walk around Kungsholmen

Flashback to 1985

My "startingthenewyearfresh" clearing, organising and cleaning project is still going. An old diary from 1985 appeared.

18 December -85
Memories from my birthday.

• Tummy rumbling
• Woke up at half past four and was half asleep until "they" came and sang for me at quarter to seven
• P (my brother) was ill and didn't want to participate
  
• The presents rustled
• Very pleased with my presents - got a metronome
• The girls at PE sang for my when I came to school. Great!
• We (Malin and I) had Princess cake right after school.
• Got a 5 in French!

14 year's old!

Food effort

Someone, a life coach if you like, told me to pay as much attention to the food I cook and eat as I do to the clothes I buy and wear.

So today I've prepared six proper meals, packed them up in ready-to-heat lunch boxes, all lined up in the freezer waiting to be taken to work.

Investing in a healthy 2010 start!

Reporting from Stockholm Vs London

We kicked off yesterday with thirty minutes telephone conversation. Then we diverted to texting throughout the day:

A(dorable): Well, have you bought anything expensive and nice on the sales? Haven't got into shopping mood yet. Kram

Me: [MMS of cardigan] Navy Moschino cardigan soon to be mine. Half price. Total saving: £££

A: Gorgeous. Looks like a good purchase. I'm going to the posh shop where I bought my bag... To be continued.

Me: Shoes (navy, high heels and big sale), the cardigan, yoga shirts (OK, may be a bit extravagant). Now a glass of Merlot and a steak salad at Sophie's. Later cinema. Remember, this is what we used to do every weekend. The only thing missing is you! Did you have a succesful shopping trip? Kram

A: Lovely! Shopping has been good: two blouses, 30% and 50% off, one of them I spotted long time ago. A bracelet and gloves at Filippa K - a little bit extravagant... Four paperbacks. Now going home to salmon and spinach dinner and... (for my eyes only)
One of us is in the wrong place! Which film are you going to see? Kram

Me: Nine or something. Nicole Kidman and a few more. What should I have for dessert? Sticky toffee pudding or dark chocolate brownie? I'm on my third glass of Merlot... Kram

A: Well done, that's the way to go! Sticky would be the obvious choice for me. We've had the brownie and it's so so. At home - not bad at all!

---

And a couple of hours later we finished off the day with another fifteen minutes on the phone. Life before the mobile phone?

Breakfast at 202, Westbourne Grove. Only thing missing: Adorable

Tracey's delicious turkey on New Year's Day