Leadership for the Millennium Kids

What kind of leadership does generation Y, or people born in the eighties, want? Well, soon I'll know all about it as I just signed up for the seminar.

I'm still surprised when I see CVs from candidates born in the eighties - somehow they are still 13 in my mind. Which makes me 23...

Advent Sunday

Taking stock from last night

Someone must have heard my complaints about rather staying in. Date one cancelled. Ended up with date two for the full evening.

It wasn't too bad. He scored some points when he bought me a drink (and then some more), asked questions (sounds basic, but seems to be difficult for most men), excused himself when he answered his mobile phone (his son calling).

Then he lost a few when he asked the wrong questions ("Do you live in a big flat?" Why? Is he planning on moving in??) and then... yes, big minus...he went for my hair. I guess he didn't see the signpost "very private, don't touch unless you are family, close girlfriend or real boyfriend". Bad.

Christmas shopping

This is what I see: my 6 year old niece and I sitting in the kitchen at our country house, drinking hot chocolate, eating ginger biscuits, chatting away and making pretty pearl and glitter jewellery.

Christmas shopping at Panduro, shop of idyllic dreams.

Glorious dating?

Two dates in one evening.

I feel like Charlotte in Sex and the City when she leaves one date claiming she is not feeling very well to make it in time for her next date. And of course she ends up meeting her first date when she is making out with her second date and it all goes pear shaped.

The difference is I'm not feeling too well, so my excuse will be real. And there will definitely not be any making out happening.

To be perfectly honest, all I want to do is to have a quiet evening in. But having potential future husbands calling at your door to find out that there is a an amazing woman inside just waiting for them (ha ha) is still unheard of as far as I know, so again, it's all about putting yourself out there...

Courage and perhaps a glass (bottle?) of wine.

One of those rare, crisp November mornings

It's all about attraction

How to make the real estate industry a more attractive and competitive industry in search of future talents.

That is the question of today's three hours meeting with participants from some major players in the industry. We had a polite meeting some weeks' ago and this time we need to get into real action and debate. It's my turn to host the event.

Make a reality show or a soap opera featuring the dramas of the real estate world with attractive actors profiling the different professions? An idea that apparenty has been seriously discussed in the past. Considering the number of reality shows with far less substance and still so popular (read "Färjan" - or direct translation "The life on the ferry between Sweden and Finland"), may be not a bad idea.

Or how about profiling really competent, succesful, attractive, "wanna-be-like you" people in real media rather than self indulge in industry press for the already committed. That is my conviction! Generation Y is looking for people they can look up to, authentic leaders with courage who shares their values. And that is my speech of today.

Little B (recently promoted, shooting off to a different part of the world and now famous in Swedish business press) - you are doing a great job and I'm very proud of you!

Take the right turns and hep, there is actually some colour in Stockholm too

Putting myself out there

Why PAM Chablis? It started as the working title when I worked out how to set up a blog.

But then I thought I'd keep it. It's not all nonsense as it says something about me without exposing too much or letting go of all anonymity.

This is how it goes in the uncensored version of today's email exchange with my coach:

Me: When you have nothing better to do : ) or when you want to know what I’m writing about ”my coach”. http://pamchablis.blogspot.com/

My coach: By the way - where does Pam Chablis come from?

Me: Ha ha, I thought you would ask!It's half serious and half joke - PAM is Pxx Axx Mxx (my full name) and Chablis comes from endless jokes with xx (read Adorable) about 1) what my first baby girl would be called which probably started when Chardonnay became a popular name in "Footballers wives" linked to 2) the fact that I always order Chablis when I order white wine claiming Chardonnay is undrinkable (and the surprise I had some years ago when I learned that Chablis is Chardonnay...)

My coach: Ha ha - that is very funny! By they way: By putting yourself out there you have now really...And the email continues!

And that's all there is folks.

Short summary of a Tuesday in November

Talked to caterer to plan for December birthday party - there is no escape so might as well celebrate with style!

Invited family for dinner (to celebrate birthday once more).

Booked flight to London to spend New Year's Eve with my oldest god daughter, yeeees! Soon she will be too old to want to be seen out with her god mother so this may be my only chance...

Bought my first Christmas present (to the amentioned god daughter)

Got asked out on a blinddate and try to figure out whether I'm excited about it or not. Better decide that I am.

And now off to my yoga class to calm the mind and to stretch those stiff backside thighs...

I did do some work too, but my energy and focus has clearly been elsewhere.

Dream on

Dreams are goals without a deadline. Or goals are dreams with a deadline. The second sentence is a quote by somebody famous I think.

In dreams anything is possible, whereas I see goals as scrutinised versions of dreams. "Goalising" a dream involves a process of restrictions and adaptations to the reality of today rather than what could be the future.

It's what I have loaded the words "dream" and "goal" with. Just like the word "risk" for me has a negative flavour to it. May be it's a heritage from my auditing days where risks needed to be addressed and taken care of, similar to a game of tetris.

So when my coach launched the idea of a dreamboard I welcomed it as a very appealing method to allow a free flow and an open mind for anything you want to happen in life.

My task for the next couple of weeks is to create a dreamboard for 2010. Not meaning the dreams will be restricted to the year 2010! With an open mind, an open heart and an open will. And with support and challenge from my coach.

Home sweet home

Chaotic check in at disorganised airport croweded predominantly by Russians, followed by 22 games of UNO, overcooked chicken and unconvincing, slightly disappointing paperback.

Left the plane with four bottles of duty free ready to meet a very wet Stockholm.

Coming home is always a treat, no matter where I've been. Now everything is unpacked, first load of washing is done and I'm tucked up on the couch watching the news for the first time in a week.

I'm slowly leaving my oblivious mode and adjusting back to less oblivious mode. It's quiet without the rest of the family and no children, but ah... it's so nice to be home.

As opposed to the black and white (or grey) scenery awaiting in Stockholm

Family holiday wrap up

Finished my book, worn out my bikini on the waterslide, topped up my niece and newphew account and very rested from long nights' sleep and a lot of sun. Time to go back.

The family holiday has exceeded everybody's expectation I think. The set up was perfect for both children and grown ups but in the end it's what you make out of it that makes the difference.

Now ready to meet the cold and dark Stockholm again. But first a final culinary experience, tonight's special: the Chinese buffet.

32 points and Egyptian small talk

Waiting to tee off on the first hole:

Starter: "How old are you?"
Me: "That's rude to ask a lady!"
Starter: "Ah, no, I would never ask an old lady the same question."

Is this the standard Egyptian chat-up line? I already knew we have some cultural differences, but this...

Starter tries again: "What's your handicap?"
He is still after a number, but at least we are into more comfortable small talk!

Snoopy needs to meet ABBA

Children's disco in Snoopy Club. Two Russian animateurs singing and dancing to "head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes...". My niece and nephew looked like two question marks. Disco? I couldn't really push them to join the party as I agreed with them. What's wrong with ABBA?

Holiday routine between 4pm-7pm

The hours between pool time and dinner time:
Hotel gym for 40 minutes, sweating on the treadmill, followed by yoga (in my room) or massage (in the spa) for an hour. Shower.
SQUIRT* on my balcony enjoying warm evening and something from the minibar.
Then ready for big family dinner.
It's OK, really.

*Silent Quiet Uninterrupted Reading Time

Mini-drama by the pool

Good looking dad with 1 year old:
"Is this yours?" holding up multicolour plastic toy that we have held hostage for two days.
Me (baby sitting youngest nephew):
"Well... ah.... he found it somewhere..." instantly blaming the baby.

What I wanted to say was:
"Yes, that's his. He found it and he will be most unhappy if you take it away from him."
Afraid that nephew would start screaming in my care when multicolour plastic toy disappeared off to another buggy.

Good looking dad:
"Hmm... we lost a similar toy..."
Me: "Well... then it's probably yours." Big smile.

Interesting insights to my behaviour at the playground.

Imagine a similar conversation on the golf course.
"Is this ball yours....?" Etc. etc.

Not sure how the blaming part would work:
"Yes, Adorable (my golf partner in crime) found it and she will be most unhappy if you take it away from her".

May be not.

Lunch on the sea terrace

Having some "me-time" away from the swimmingpool

Woken up by the sun shining through the palm trees...

Flight experience with a splash of self reflection

This is the set up: a plane full of families full of expectations going south to seek the sun. Next to me a grandmother on holiday with her daughter and somewhere further back the daughters' three unspecified, close to teenage children.

Being stuck in a tin can for five hours, nowhere to escape, you are bound to get annoyed with your fellow passengers.

I didn't (actually) mind the babies screaming or the children running up and down the aisle, but the ladies next to me did...The only thing was that they were talking about my youngest nephew.

After a 4am start, a couple of "happy-bunny-I'm-a-globetrotter-baby" hours on the plane, just in time for the flight catering, he had a dip. Loud and clear voice (his parents are very good singers), he let us know. And it wasn't for very long, bless him. But long enough for the ladies next to me to start complaining about the baby, why was he screaming and the unspoken "why don't the parents do anything."

I felt a strong impulse to defend my brave nephew and his parents who of course did everything they could to comfort him. Which parents don't?

Then I remembered that I haven't always been so understanding myself. The number of times when I have seriously wondered why they don't have flights between Stockholm and London with age limits.

So I'm not a fairy. But my god daughter still calls me her Fairy God Mother.

Adorable

Adorable cermic made by Adorable.

She is just that. Adorable. And she spends a lot of her time in the cermic studio being creative. Had it not been for nasty crazy woman who attends the same ceramic studio, we would have seen at least two more of the heart cups. I think she broke Adorable's cups on purpose out of pure jealousy!

Not even the ceramic studio is free from conflicts.

Giant biscuits!

This is what we do when we want to feel Bohemian chic in a cosmo city: we meet up on Söder!

The feeling of complete anonymity meaning it's OK not to have showered or wear any make up. We wear our comfy jeans rather than skinny jeans and heals are replaced by wellies. Freedom!

My fetish for small biscuits was exaggeratedly satisfied by these seemingly gene manipulated giant biscuits (not! everything on Söder is organic à la Bohemian style).

Lovely setting for a cosy tête-à-tête with Adorable and Little B.

Different perspectives

If you don’t have any children, are you childfree or childless?

The choice of word expresses your entry level even if your true desire is something else.

When my nephew was talking about his friend’s parents the other day, he said they were undivorced.

It’s all about your personal perspective.

Use of language is an interesting way of noticing the development of society. So many ways of conveying a message and revealing some of your underlying values and attitudes, which changes over time and are coloured by society.

However, I doubt that the word freemale as in women chosing their freedom over a family, will survive.

Swine flue hysteria

The supply of vaccin is limited and people fight over it. The worst behaviours are displayed in the waiting rooms at the local GP where everybody is waiting for hours to get their dose.

Filling the body with something quite controversial where the longterm effect is unknown, but you still feel pleased that you got it. Now you can relax when you read about the continuous spread of the "new flue" (sounds like a new fashion) and yet another death incidence.

There is something surreal about the whole situation.

Working the muscles

Here's a challenge from today's yoga class:

Stand close to the wall and do virabhadrasana 2/warrior 2 without falling over.

Bum too big? Sway-back? Nah... poor excuses I tried to use as it's apparently all about the thigh muscles working in one direction and the calf muscels in another.

I'm not quite there yet, but my yoga teacher says, as with everything, give it a couple of years... It's all about the journey!

Conflict resolution or conflict survival?

Dealing with conflicts. A given topic in any leadership training even though (at least in Sweden) we do everything we can to avoid them. We still think we should spend time knowing about them and how we should behave if they occur.

Well, now I'm in the middle of one, meaning in my role that I'm a facilitator (but in this case also a part of the conflict, which makes it more challenging).

I'm feeling drained on energy, but still trying to learn something about myself in the situation...

• I'm realising it's almost impossible to fully put yourself in somebody else's shoes and leave your own values and beliefs aside. This impacts the way you understand the situation as you still see the situation through your personal filter.
  
• You can be empathic to an extent but there can also be an additional (internal) conflict in the feeling of empathy if you sympathise with different sides for different reasons

I'm sure there is much more to be learnt, but that's it for today. Need to focus my mind on something else!

A Sunday full of energy top ups

The perfect weekend continued with a family brunch chez moi to celebrate father's day. The whole family feasted on freshly baked pastry from my neighbour (Le Gateau that is) and my fruit juice extractor came to good use.

More of my lovely friends: after brunch I rushed to meet charming J to have a quick catch up and get up to speed with everything that has happened in the last year. Our lifes have taken different turns, but some of my great London moments I had with charming J.

After the exchange of recent news we took a walk down memory lane which is always a treat; also to realise that there is a time for everything. We both agreed that queing outside Pitcher and Piano on Fulham Road a Sunday afternoon to finish the weekend with excessive drinking and afternoon dancing is a past moment we don't need to relive. But that's where we first met so it's definitely a precious memory.

Next stop was a birthday celebration for lovely L. A proper coffee and cake afternoon where everything was homemade and I had to pace my intake of small biscuits (a favourite of mine) in front of all the children. My sweet god daughter (the younger of the two I'm blessed with) was in good form and I remembered I have promised her an afternoon out since her birthday in July. Bad god mother - I still haven't delivered.

And finally back with little B in the yoga studio for some meditative yin yoga with a fantastic teacher who has taught me a lot about yoga at various levels. The class was flavoured with quotations of wise words from female goddesses. Now filled with yin; female energy.

My lovely friends

I'm so lucky, I have the loveliest friends.

Started the day with a yoga class with little B. We don't just have the yoga in common, but she also convinced me that the real estate industry is a really fun industry to be in because of all the great people. Who would have guessed? You need to be on the inside to understand this. And I thought that if people are like little B, then it must be really good! Important aspect when I accepted my job offer 1.5 years ago.

Then we joined Adorable and cool P for late brunch. There is a neverending flow of interesting discussions and I think cool P summarised it in a one sentence when she shared her own observation of the various books and magazines she has on her bedside table. We all agreed that our bedside tables look very similar. Some of the examples that we could all relate to:
- The 7 habits of highly effective people (yes, we are quite serious about our jobs),
- Residence (all these great houses with inspiring design and decoration),
- Hello (why can't Posh get pregnant again?)
- The Secret (one of these keys to finding the perfect relationship)

A splash of insight to the conversations we may be having!

A walk that ends up being a small shopping trip ("let's just have a quick look in this very special outlet shop...") and we all walk home with a smile and a shopping bag...

And now meeting up with beautiful J for dinner, wine and catch up. She is another friend on slipper distance, but we still seem to meet far to rarely.

...one more...

Some more food for thought from Einstein:
"Human beings, vegetables or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player.
- go with the flow, don’t fight it or control it"

But Einstein didn's explain how to find the flow if you are out of it... I think that's the real challenge.

Cool Einstein

My coach and also co-instructor in the leadership programme we are currently running, is smitten by Einstein : ). Some of the quotes he recently shared with me which allow for interesting discussions:

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new"

and

"You can never solve a problem on the level of consciousness which it was created"

Trip of my dreams (one of them)

In today's mail I received next season's catalogue from the travel agent organisning adventures, trekking and nature experiences.

They have it. The trip. To Borneo. I've looked into it before and I'm so tempted. What am I waiting for? The right timing, travel company and may be something else.

But I'm going, that's for sure.

The advantage of having a cold

Completely blocked up, sneezing and sniffling and the unmistakable pain in the body. If it's true that a proper cold protects you from the swine flu, then I'm so grateful and embrace every moment of it!